Shawn & Kristanne

Hope is Frail, but Hard to Kill

2012-01-24T01:18:00.000-07:00

I should apologize for my last post, but I am not going to. It was written after a heart wrenching month that accumulated in a terrible day and a very low point for me. It was how I felt. I wish I could say that I have great faith that all will work out for the best. Work out, eventually, yes. For the best - well that all depends on what is best.

In the past month my daughter has been arrested for drug paraphernalia, ran away, attempted suicide, broke her collar bone in an out of control rage where her father was trying to restrain her, changed schools, and smoked cigarettes. Those are just the major things. There have been a ton of little things like going walks that turn into 8 hours, not doing chores, piercing her lip, etc. Through all of it I try to have faith and hope that her life will be okay. That her therapy will help. She has a psychiatrist and a therapist and between them she has 10- 12 appointments per month. Yet she continues to make decisions that are harmful for her, and have a negative effect on her siblings. As her parent I am left to determine how do we act towards her for her best benefit. To simply ignore those things because she has been taught better and she is mostly only hurting herself doesn't seem responsible. And yet there is little we can do to enforce behavior. She has to make her own decisions. I have prayed and prayed for knowing what to do to help her. I get no major ideas, or thoughts. The only thing I get is continue. But when, continuing feels like it isn't working where do you go from there? I do know that long term therapy on an inpatient level is not the choice. At least not right now. We've done that and it works great while she is there, but once out she can't handle it again.

I know part, and a large part, is her disorder. I know that she essentially has no moral compass. She is influenced by whom she is around, and whoever that happens to be is the values she will take on. That isn't to say she doesn't know right from wrong. She does. But her need to be accepted and loved is so great that she will do anything to fit in. Then later she feels guilty about it because she knows right from wrong, and then she will do anything to get rid of the pain, because it is so strong. So she turns to suicide, drugs or cigarettes, cutting, or whatever it takes to numb the pain. I know that God knows all about her disorder and that he takes that into account. But others don't. And that is a natural consequence, but one that I can't control. But it hurts me when she is hurting.

I understand all this. I can even empathize, but as a responsible parent where do you draw the line. Heavenly Father certainly doesn't punish, but there are consequences. Drug court was one of hers. However on top of that Heavenly Father does not give you certain privileges if you are not worthy of them, so we have done the same and taken away privileges like phone, ipod, grounding, computer, facebook, etc. Not all at the same time except when there is total defiance of any rules. When none of that seems to work, what is there? That is where I was at the other day. I am still in the same bind. However, not in the same mindset.

It does get hard. Day in and day out seems to bring it's own set of crises, and we seem to live from one to the next. And I guess I can see how my kids would look back and say how dysfunctional their youth was. And it is. I can only control that to a certain degree, but it makes me feel bad that I am not able to provide for them what I would like. However perhaps this is what Heavenly Father feels they need for their future somehow.

I wouldn't say there is not hope. I know there is. I want to believe in it, which is what hope is. However, somedays it is pretty fragile and it breaks easily. A lot lately. I know I am struggling with my own depression which seems to hit every winter. When I add that to the situation at hand it seems to spiral out of control.

Anyway.... long post and not sure much has changed, but I could use prayers for me and for Makae. Actually the whole family.

Failure

2012-01-21T12:09:00.000-07:00

The worst part of my life is knowing that despite all of my efforts and dreams, and wants, and trying my family will always be defunct. You can't imagine how difficult it is to live with the knowledge day after day that no matter how much you read the scriptures, or pray, or try to live the standards, it will never be enough for your family to be eternal. Yes, I know the whole thing about you can only do your best and Christ makes up the difference, but he sent us here with a plan of choice, and I have no ability to makes anyone elses choices, thus I cannot "Make" another person choose well. That is all fine and dandy. And I get it and all, but we were sent to work out our salvation in family units, and the one I have is impossible to save..... And knowing that really hurts.

Temple Square

2012-01-17T17:13:00.000-07:00

Another tradition we try to do each year is to visit temple square. We used to do it at the first of the month, and then we decided after Christmas, which is really the best time. The lights and everything stay up till New Years, and the crowds are all gone after Christmas and you can really enjoy the spirit of it all. However, since Courtney had a concert there on the Wednesday before Christmas we all decided to go then. It was crazy. And on top of it all I didn't feel good, but Courtney's choir sang beautifully. Their songs were so touching. I am glad we went. Herb and Cole went and of course Lill's family and ours. We invited Alicyn but apparently had a misunderstanding. I thought she wasn't going to go, but apparently she was. I felt bad. We didn't leave her out on purpose. We met first at Olive Garden in Layton and had some dinner. Then we headed down. Once there we met Mesa, Cade's and Makae's friend and then we looked at the lights, listened to the music, took some pictures and left. It was a quick trip, but none the less nice.

Cole, Herb and Lill

Not a great picture, but Courtney is the girl right in the center second row.

Another of Cole

Our group except for Darin and Shawn. Lto R --Front Mesa, Cade, Courtney, middle Makae, Lill, Jace, Back Kurtis, Ethan, Cole, Herb , me.

Just another one. Same order

Jace looking thrilled

Cade trying to look like he was holding the nativity in his hand.

Annual Christmas Traditions

2012-01-15T07:05:00.000-07:00

Every Year at Christmas we goes as an entire family to see the lights in Ogden's Christmas Village. I can remember doing this as a little kid. I even remember some of the little houses they had. It always brings back such a good feeling. We have continued this with our kids and I hope they have the same feeling and enjoyment that I did. Here are some of the pictures from it.

Darin

Aly and Jared. In the back you can see Courtney and Kaleigh and behind them more family

L--R Aly, Char, Lill Brett, Cade, Daranee

My Honey

My Sweetie, Jace

Darin and Lill

Afterwards we always got back to someone's house (used to be mine, but that's a little difficult now) and have pizza and visiting. It really is just a nice night.

Kurtis

Courtney and Cole

Chad, with Charlene in the background

I love my family so much, and I so enjoyed being home with them and doing traditions that we have done for years, but even more so I just love being with them!

Creative Christmas

2012-01-11T11:42:00.000-07:00

Since I was away from home this year, I wanted Christmas to be personal and something of me, so a lot of my gifts were homemade this year. I had a great time doing it, and really enjoyed the gift giving so much more. I couldn't wait for people to open what I gave. I hope they enjoyed them as much as I enjoyed making them.

This I gave to my best friend Sheree. She has been such a support to me over the years. I love her to death. I hope she enjoys it. I had a great time painting it and putting it all together.

This is actually one I kept, but I gave one like it to my Sister Charlene. She is a little more rustic in her tastes and she can store things in them as well as use them for decorations. I thought they were really cute.

This went to a neighbor here in Firestone. I wasn't sure if I would like these or not, but I think they turned out really cute. And they are made or wooden blocks from two by four scraps.

Another one, also given to a neighbor!

I gave these to Jill back home. My dad helped me with the wood and then I just had to paint and decorate. I loved the way they turned out. I hope she did too! I didn't get to see when I was home, and I was sad about that. I hope she is doing well.

This went to my Brother Cole. It is an old victorian print on the front of a block of wood. A simple but cure craft and I knew it would be small enough for him to take home in his luggage.

I think this one went to Jamie, but not sure. I made a bunch of these and people on both sides of the family got them. They were really fun to make.

I gave one of these to a neighbor here, and kept the other for myself. Again it is just old blocks of wood, painted and decorated. I think it turned out way cute!

Another of the victorian prints.

This is of our tree here at home. Never had a fake tree before, but since we weren't at home for most of the holiday I didn't want one that was a fire hazard. I think it is a nice one in spite of it being fake. I have a bunch more, and will post them later, but this is the beginning post of catching up. I'll post later some more. It was a really nice Christmas in spite of the upheaval!

Crazy Life

2011-12-23T07:33:00.000-07:00

Needless to say things have been a bit crazy here. Ups and downs, and sickness. But today I am feeling pretty good. Time to celebrate. Looking forward to Christmas with Family. I love this time of year. We are so blessed. Everyone seems to be just a bit nicer and more kind. Christ was the best gift that has ever been given and I hope we can all celebrate his birth with that in mind. Along that line. Even though I felt like death I went to temple square to hear Courtney's choir sing in the assembly hall. I am glad I did. They were so good and the music had such a spirit with it. I felt like crying. It really was a highlight and I am glad she invited us to go.

That said. Have A VERY MERRY SPIRITUAL CHRISTMAS!!!

Love and Laughter

2011-12-05T22:42:00.000-07:00

So two things I wanted to mention. First one in love.

On Sunday Makae got up to bear her testimony. I thought, "oh no, what is she going to say." But she did a nice job. She didn't say anything false. She was very thankful for parents and family and christmas. It was very nice. The last few days with her have been really nice. Some upsets, but nothing major. She has been a good example to a friend who is really struggling, and it has been good for her. She is good at taking care of others in need. Her love was tangent and very real. So I know underneath it is there. A lot of times masked, but there. It was really nice.

Laghter - tonight the whole family went to see the muppet movie. It was great. The show tunes were over the top, and the jokes were so there. The references to itself were also great. It had so many Cameos with funny one liners. It was sappy, and stupid, and funny. Everyone in the family enjoyed it and I got some good laughs out of it. I have always liked the muppets. Makae was upset at me, why I don't know, but she was. And she even laughed quite a few times. We all needed it.

I am so glad we have simple blessings like laughter in our lives, and especially for love. I have been blessed!

Gratitude!

2011-12-01T14:34:00.000-07:00

I think Thanksgiving is the perfect time to start off the holiday Season. We start by being grateful for all we have. Those who skip over it really miss an important part of the year. Our Thanksgiving had lots to be grateful for.

We got to go home for a whole 9 days over Thanksgiving, which was wonderful. The kids enjoyed the time off with friends and family, and I needed a break from the routine. Firestone is great, and I am getting to know more and more of the people and feeling like I belong, but the longtime, I can tell something is wrong friendships, and family are just not there yet, and the support I get at home is so needed. Me and my sisters and all our hubbies went to dinner on Saturday and had a great time. My brother in law even tried Indian food for the first time. They got his order wrong and it was really hot. Not sure he will try again. It was pretty hilarious though. I got to see so many from my old ward when we attended church there. We also got to see the new bishopric get put in, and listen to the testimonies of the old. The next day I got my hair done by one of my good friends Margie! She does such a good job and it was so good to visit with her. Her husband was just put in the bishopric. While I was there Donna stopped in because she hadn't seem me at church the day before and felt bad. It made me feel so good that she would stop by on her way to work to see me. I sure miss so many of them. I was supposed to go down to see Kecia my sister in Law, but we got out of the salon so late there just wasn't time. I missed that. There is no in-law in that relationship. I have been blessed in Shawn's family a lot.

On Tuesday Lillie Ann and I got to go to the spa, and then out to eat. It was wonderful just being with her and talking about things. I miss her so much. Our weekly outings really kept my spirits up. They were always something to look forward to no matter what had happened in the week, and she was always ready with a hug, or empathy. It was such a blessing to be with her. Later that night I met MaryAnn and we had a wonderful time catching up. She has been my friend since College and we have been through so much together. On Wednesday I and the kids went to South Weber. The boys all hung out with friends, Makae too, and Sheree and I went to lunch. I could never have asked for a better neighbor. She is so much like my sister. Later we came home and relaxed a bit.

Thursday of course was Thanksgiving and we spent it with the Willden's. Almost the whole day too. From 12:30 till about 9. It was so good relaxing, visiting, sharing. I so love family. We even got to see Dirk's kids for a little bit, before they had to go back to Melinda. They don't know us very well, but it was good to see them. I still wish something would work out there. It's obvious that Dirk still really loves his ex-wife. I keep praying that the spirit will touch both of them for the best. We got to spend time with all of the brothers and sister and their kids. Kecia and I played around with her photo booth and had the best time. I haven't laughed that hard for a while. We got some great pictures that are hilarious on face book. Ethan was in 7th Heaven, he spent most of the rest of the break with his cousin Jared.

Friday I did tons of shopping for Mom, and spent it at home with her cleaning, and getting ready for Christmas. Lill came up for a little. Later she and I and our hubbies went out for the evening. It was nice again.

On Saturday we celebrated Thanksgiving with my family. Everyone but those back east and in California were there. Again we were blessed with food, family, visiting and sharing. We celebrated my Mom's birthday and My sister Charlene's 50th birthday. We gave her gag gifts, but no the regular kind, she got items from her past that were quite funny. She got a paper bag and a car, because when she started driving she got stuck so many times that my dad said she couldn't drive her way out of a paper bag. We gave her some paint and a paint brush because when she was little like 3, she and my brother decided to paint the neighbors garage. She got some nix, because in elementary she came home from a sleep over and infected the whole family with Lice. Just a bunch of things like that. We all laughed really hard. Brock and Olin and Morgan were there. It didn't take Olin long to warm up. I can't believe he is almost two already. Alicyn is so good. She hates yams, but she always makes such good ones, so she brings them every year. It just wouldn't be Thanksgiving without yams.

On Sunday we packed up to head home. Lill, Darin, and Courtney came to see us off. Dad let us take him trailer home with us so we would have one to bring all of our stuff back in for Christmas. The trip was uneventful which is good. We got home to a safe warm house.

We started putting up Christmas decoration this week and I started on gifts. We have so many friends and I wouldn't feel right if I didn't get them something from the heart. We are blessed. The missionaries came to dinner, and they told us they want to teach us the lessons. They chose a family or two each month to share the lessons with and our family was chosen. I think it will be so good for Cade to get an idea of it all, and also for Makae to get a refresher on these things and feel of their spirit. I hope she recognizes it when she feels it.

Anyway..... Blessed. Yes we are. In spite of all the roller coaster rides in our family, we are an eternal family, we have the gospel, we have great family and friends. Shawn has a great job. We have so much more than many people. We are blessed.

Home vs Home

2011-11-20T21:21:00.000-07:00

So I am in Utah, or home as it feels to me. That isn't to say I don't like our home in Colorado. It just doesn't quite feel like home in all the ways this does yet. The past few weeks, as most of you know have been quite the ride with Makae. I used to love amusement parks, but not when they are emotional. I feel like my mental health has really taken a hit from all of it too, so this trip home has really been needed.

Shawn and I met with Cassandra, (Makae's therapist) on Friday and came to some good but really hard decisions regarding how we need to interact with Makae as far as boundaries and rules in our home go. I have never really been good at tough love, and we aren't talking tough as in take away your phone, or i-pod, or ground from friends. We are talking tough as in stop protecting her from the law, and also if she can't live by house rules (I mean serious house rules, not making your bed) you can't live in the house. We haven't put it all together yet, but..... We have started and it is going to be applicable to all of our kids and not just Makae.

Later that day I met with Makae and Dr. Payne, her psychologist. It was a very informative meeting. She talked about how depression works, in terms everyone could understand, and why there are so many different types of medicines, and what works and what doesn't, and how to know if your medicine is really working. We determined that Makae's prozac isn't working for her, so we are weaning her off it, and putting her on zoloft. With her explanations it became clear that mine isn't working either. So I am going to be making an appointment with my doctor to get what I am on either changed, or have the dosage changed.

Then late friday - about 5:30 we finally headed for Utah. It was a grueling ride, and we made it finally at 3:30 in the morning. The roads were really bad only in one area, but the blowing snow made seeing terrible, and then the potty breaks, and dinner, and gas stops all added up. However in spite of the drive, most of us were up by 8 the next day. Saturday was great. Lill and Alicyn both came up and we just visited and had a nice time. Later the kids went to Salt Lake to see Mesa, and Shawn and I went to the store to get Makae's new med, and get some things the kids forgot. Jace mainly. Shawn even checked his bag before we left. Then we met Lill, Darin, Alicyn and Chad at the Indian restaurant and enjoyed ourselves.

Today was really a nice nice day. Makae had two blow-ups, but we stayed calm and simply told her what we expect and what we were willing to do. It was a pain, but she did give in. I had a hard time not jumping up and down behind her back, and saying "We win, we win." In all reality, it wasn't about winning, but about safety, and love and responsibility. We went to church in South Weber and got to be there for the releasing of the bishopric, and the putting in of the new. And seeing all of my friends, and feeling like I was a major part of something again, was so nice. I loved the messages, and the people and the spirit. We came home and had dinner, did accounting, and I wrapped gifts for Mom. It was a really nice day, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Tomorrow Makae and I are getting our hair done at Margie's, and Shawn is taking the boys to Idaho to hunt. After Margie's Makae and I are heading to Orem to visit Kecia. On Tuesday I am going to the spa with Lill, and do some shopping with her, and hopefully get together with MaryAnn. On Wednesday I am going to lunch with Sheree. Thursday is all about the Willden's for Thanksgiving, and Friday we will be setting up Christmas decorations and cooking. Saturday we are celebrating Thanksgiving with my family, and celebrating Charlene's 50th birthday and then, boo hoo, on Sunday we are heading home. But it will be great being with family. I so love them all. And really most of my friends feel just like family!

Anyway.... I am blessed and thankful especially this week, to spend time with most of my loved ones.

Halloween

2011-11-08T13:02:00.000-07:00

Most of you probably saw these on facebook, but my Mom and sister don't have facebook and wanted to see the kids, so here they are. These were actually taken at the Halloween carnival that Shawn and I helped at. It is a good thing, because the evening of Halloween turned out to be hectic, and no pictures were taken.

We caught Cade unaware in this picture. Note that his costume was cheap. The cape I got at the store for 4 dollars the day before Halloween, and the necklace was 50 cents at same store. The rest was his. Oh yeah the scarf was mine. I also got his some black hairspray for his hair, and the white makeup for his face. I think it turned out really nice.

I am not a bad Vampire - I'm nice!!

Ethan was Captain Jack Sparrow. His costume wasn't too expensive, at least not now. The pants and shirt I bought clear last year, when he was a peasant in his play. So he just used them again. I got the boot topers and the hat with wig attached. He also had a beard and earring that he lost, but I think it turned our really well. The sash is from one of Makae's old dance costumes.

He wanted a drunk picture, but I never knew anyone who got buzzed from Coke!

Jace chose this costume, a ninja, and wore it for a total of 2 hours. We took pictures, and he played, and then went home and changed, and came back as - Yep - Harry Potter. That makes every year but one (last year he was Mario) since he was 3 as Harry Potter. He was Harry Potter Halloween night too.

Makae was Cinderalla. This costume was not cheap, but in actual money it was only 20 dollars, thank heavens for amazon bucks. She is actually wearing the hoop underneath backwards, which is why you see it, but it was too late to switch. We got the wig, and the tiara is mine from long ago. I think she looks nice. Everyone says she looks just like me with Blonde hair, but I have yet to see it.

This is a picture of her and her friend Tori. Tori is wearing Makae's costume from last year.

All in all the kids really enjoyed Halloween. That evening, Makae went out with friends, as did Ethan. Cade wanted to stay home and hand out candy. We got a fog machine the day before Halloween which was on 70% clearance as well, so it was pretty cool. I got to take Jace around, which wasn't too bad. He doesn't like going to far. Once his bag is about 1/2 full he figures he has enough candy and is ready to go home. I am okay with that. I was a change with the whole family not being together. I missed not going to Grandpa Merritt's and visiting and showing off costumes.

Main Floor of our house

2011-11-04T20:10:00.000-06:00

So this is the rest of our home. The Main Floor. The basement isn't worth taking a picture of. It is all unfinished, even though Ethan has his room down there. Pretty much the whole basement along with storage of food and other stuff.

Front Room Looking West

Front Room looking South, the stairs are behind the wall going up and down.

Front Room looking East. Door is on the right side of picture.

Office West wall

Office South Wall

Office East Wall on Left Side

Office East wall on Right side

Kitchen looking at northwest wall. The cabinets on the left are actually facing Southwest, on the angle.

Kitchen facing the north east wall

Bathroom decor on main floor

main floor bath.

So that is it. It is all covered in snow, and now decorated for Thanksgiving instead of Halloween. But not much has changed.

Upstairs of my House

2011-10-29T09:37:00.002-06:00

Okay, so I've gotten a couple of requests about what the new house looks like. So I took some pictures. I will start with the upstairs. This is the actual front of our house, course now it is covered with snow.

So this is the upstairs floor plan, not to scale. I couldn't actually find a plan, so I created it. The front of the house faces east.

Our bathroom

Our Bathroom

Wall on the North west (part of the angle)

wall to the South west, and South. The door is to our closet.

Wall facing the east - plenty of room for my dolls. I love it!

Wall facing North

Kid's bathroom

(Camera has dirty lens, not dirty walls) Makae's room, facing South and some west.

Makae facing west. That is the school through the window.

Makae's facing East.

Makae's facing North. the closed door in her closet.

Hall looking west. The white doors are the laundry room

Family Room facing south.

Jace's room looking North

Jace's room looking West

Cade's room East and South side

Cade's room west and south side

My pictures didn't turn out great. I tried to get Shawn to take some, but he has been pretty busy. I'll do the rest later.

Kris

Posts

2011-10-26T19:43:00.000-06:00

Somedays there is just too much to post to even try to catch up, and then others the stuff is so crappy I don't even want to post. Problem is, not much gets posted. Hard week, better today, hope it continues!

Love of Family

2011-10-17T17:26:00.000-06:00

I had a great weekend. We made a quick trip home since the kids were out on Friday. Drove till midnight on Thursday and spent Friday and Saturday with family. Then drove back on Sunday.

I sure do love my family. I got to see Meagan and Ben and their son Rhone while there. They left on Saturday. Rhone is so cute and has grown so much. And it was great visiting with Meagan and Ben. Char of course came down with them, and it was good seeing he as well. Alicyn came up that night with her kids as well. On Saturday Lill came up and we made caramel apples and just spent a lot of time together enjoying each other. We went down to South Weber and visited with Sheree, and let the kids play with their friends. They really enjoyed it. Later we went and picked up Grandpa Nielson and took him to Susan's where all of the Willden's got together for dinner. I spent most of the night holding Emma and loved it. Jamie and Kelly came with their twins, and they were a hoot as well. Especially Brayden. Everything I said to him, he answered with no, till right before he left then he gave me a high five and a knuckle. It was pretty cute. We had a good dinner, and visited. Mauri didn't make it as she hurt herself at work, but her kids came and the kids were glad. We had a great time.

Sunday morning we didn't visit much, just packed up and I drove the 8 hours to get home. Makae went with us and her therapist was really worried about her. She left Monday to go visit her daughter so she insisted on Makae coming into her office at 6 PM Sunday night. She is a really good person and a great therapist. We got there just barely, didn't even have time to go home first.

I loved the time with family. I really love it. I hate coming home, but am fine once I get her. I just miss them all so much. Only regret was it was too short and I didn't get to see near the people I want to. However we will have a whole week in November so I plan on going to church at my old ward!

Annoyed

2011-10-12T10:45:00.000-06:00

Can I just say the system stinks. At least my experiences with it have not been the greatest. Course Maybe I am only seeing the bad side. However I get so annoyed by the lack of parent rights. For some reason School administrators, Social Workers and some mental workers think that they know my daughter much better than I do. They think because they have big fancy degrees, or the arm of the law on their side, that my opinion is just one of an ignorant Mom. I am not ignorant. I am not dumb. I have read I don't know how many books of BPD. I have consulted with her regular therapist who is in charge of her day to day treatment. I do know what I am talking about. But .... regardless of what I know - they see me as uninformed, and without the proper education on this subject, thus their ideas are allowed to over ride mine, and the legal arm of our government supports it.

I can't say what treatment my daughter gets, they get to decide, but I do and have to pay for it. They put Makae in a facility where she will be fore the next 3- to who knows how long days. Against my wishes, and against her therapist's (who they didn't even bother contacting after I gave them the info twice). So coming home this weekend now is up in the air. Yes she caused the issue, but a bunch of people who over -reacted, because they know best, without even knowing her - made the decisions. Sometimes I get so frustrated at the whole system. Why can't I take care of my kids the way I know is best!!! Or at least better than theirs!

General Conference

2011-10-03T12:51:00.001-06:00

I absolutely love conference weekend. Not only do I get to sleep in and go to church in my pj pants, the talks are always so uplifting, and so pertinent to me. I loved so many of the talks. I just feel better about life after listening to them. I do find it hard to look at our beloved prophet and apostles and see how old some of them are getting. I find it hard to listen to them when some of their speech is slurred, and they forget names and what they were going to say, but oh it is so worth it. They have such a good sense of humor and a true love of life, and a great love of our Savior and His gospel. It's too bad we can't have conference every weekend. I suppose if we did though, it wouldn't be as special as it is.

I am grateful to be a member of this church and I so grateful for the gospel in my life and for my Savior. I truly am blessed.

I loved it, and the kids didn't listen too well so I think we will be listening to certain talks for FHE the next few weeks. Makes it easy to plan.

Blah Blah Blah, or yada yada yada

2011-09-27T10:17:00.000-06:00

I really feel I should update my blog, but the last few weeks have been really difficult and I don't feel like complaining or whining. I get tired of reading that myself.... so

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH

On a happy note, we will be coming home on the 13th of October and staying till the 16th.

What to say

2011-09-19T10:00:00.000-06:00

Not really much to post. All the boxes have been gone through, and we are settling in, though the house still has things all over that need to find a place. I got my room finished last Saturday and moved to the family room. Then we will conquer the office, and lastly the basement and garage.

In unpacking everything we found that a lot of my dolls have been stolen, not misplaced. We got all of the boxes that were shipped. One box we opened the other day had nothing but one small doll in it. The rest was all filler paper. We thought it was odd, but didn't think much of it till afterwards. It was a big box about 4 feet deep. There were some my dad gave to me, and some Shawn gave to me, and one Susan gave to me. Some of those, about 5, can be replaced, but 5 cannot, and the biggest loss for me is another doll, the one my grandmother gave to me when I was baptized at 8. She made dolls professionally, and ran a doll hospital during the 40's. She was a big collector and her house was full of dolls, three stories high. This doll was a china doll she made and the dress was made out of one of my favorite dresses I had given her when it no longer fit. It was really important to me. Really the only doll I have my grandma made. There is no way to put a price on it, or replace it. It just breaks my heart. They will most likely pay us for the loss, but that won't bring them back.

The kids have settled in pretty well, and we got our new callings and are officially members of this new ward. Shawn will be working with the scouts, and I will be working with activity days and playing in Primary once a month. That way I still get to go to Relief Society most of the time and get to know people. My new visiting teaching route is coming. Shawn home teaches with Ethan, and Cade does with his Seminary teacher. Looking forward to that. Seminary every morning at 6 is kicking my butt. By the time we get up and eat breakfast and read scriptures it means we are getting up at least by 5 usually Makae and I are up earlier. Shawn wonders why I want to go to bed by 9 each night. Yeah!!!

Things are pretty normal for the most part, busy trying to arrange for orthodontists, dentists, doctors, licenses, etc is much more difficult that I imagined. It is hard turning those things over to someone you are not really sure about and know nothing about, not even a recommendation, just internet search info. Praying it all goes well.

Missing everyone.

Hard Day

2011-09-14T18:31:00.000-06:00

Boy today has been hard. I can't begin to tell you how much I miss my family and friends. We have a great ward, but I haven't really made friends, and have no callings yet, and just feel so isolated. It was a cloudy stormy day which didn't help, and the house is a mess. This unpacking thing is kicking my butt. I get so frustrated with it, and then there is still so much to do that it overwhelms me. On top of this, Makae's honeymoon period is over and she is back to the roller coaster ride. Things were going so well for a while. She has had one friend banned from hanging out with her because she isn't safe, has told another she wants to commit suicide, who told her mom, who told the relief society president, who called me. Practically all of her friends know something is wrong, and no one comes over anymore, or calls. As hard as we try to tell her that this behavior drives people away, she just can't seem to stop it. I don't know what to do. I don't want her to be a chronic resident of mental hospitals, but she can't seem to handle normal life. I'm trying to keep a good attitude, but some days it gets really really hard!

Getting settled and unpacking

2011-08-26T07:47:00.000-06:00

Well the unpacking part is going slow. We have most fo the stuff, except the basement out of boxes. Getting it arranged is taking some time. The kitchen and the bathrooms are done, and most of the bedrooms. However nothing else even resembles a home as of yet!!!

As for the getting settled part ---- Jace and Ethan have both made friends, and are really enjoying school. Jace has had a hard time going back to school, but that isn't because of the friend issue. He likes all of that, but he has complained about homework.... a LOT lately, and he doesn't have that much. Ethan is doing well and likes it. He hasn't met many from the ward yet, but I think that will get better as we go along.

Makae and Cade have both made friends. Having Seminary every morning has helped in that regard, and they both really like their school and classes. They are both doing really well. I am so happy for them. In fact last night a young lady came over and stayed for about 3 hours with Makae, and then her Mom came, and she ended up staying for about an hour and we just visited. It was really quite nice.

The relief society president came -- and I really like her. I think we will find frieds, There is a lady kitty corner from us that is also a member, and she was really sweet on Sunday. So I think we will be okay. Even at Shawn's work I have been invited to a party with another wife, and then on the 17th we have a family picnic with those that have families. It should be good.

Shawn of course loves his job and has settled in good there. He has friends there and doesn't much socialize outside of that, but hopefully we can with having no family here.

It is working out okay, and better than I thought, but I sure miss my family a ton, and my friends too! I really miss my Wednesdays spent with Lill. That midweek outing really helped my days. Course since all I am doingright now is unpacking I probably wouldn' be able to go anyway!

Treatment for Makae

2011-08-17T09:14:00.001-06:00

As many of you know when we came to Colorado, one of the first things we were going to do is put Makae in a program here that dealt specifically with Borderline Personality Disorder. The website for the facility was very good and had a lot of positive things about it. We were impressed and contacted the director, and although he was a bit abrasive and super over the top about his program, we felt it would still be good for her. After getting her there things changed. I have never been treated so rudely by a so-called professional. We went in for an intake. No matter what we said we were wrong, and only he was right. When I asked him to please stop being disrespectful to us, he got angry and said that we didn't deserve respect because it was our fault our daughter has issues.

He kept dissing our previous treatment center, they were idiots, and we were too for putting her there. They did nothing for her and had no training and only made her worse. None of which is true. Apparently only he is capable of treating our daughter, everyone else has damaged her. After a few minutes he determined that Cade is a liar who has hurt Makae and is continuing to under our noses and that we simply ignore it so we don't have to face the truth. Jace is an attention seeker and too rowdy and we have no control over any of our kids. My marriage is in danger of falling part and Shawn and I need serious intervention. One of the sheets he gave us asked us to write down what bugs us most about our spouse and how we wish they would change. That is a great way to build a marriage. He told Makae in the first five minutes that her dream of being a nueropsychologist was out and that she should become an artist. What??? He has no knowledge on which to base his conclusions, BUT HE KNOWS and we do not.

After talking with him Shawn and I decided that if he browbeat us and we aren't even the patient, and we are much more capable of defending ourselves what must he do to the patients he treats? We took Makae home, and looked into another place. As we left he assured us that we were being selfish and that without his help Makae would be a mess and probably dead soon, and that we had only ourselves to blame. One funny thing was he gave us a paper on sociopathic behavior, and the top one was "puts others down to make themselves look good". He did that exactly, and even more than Makae ever has. Wow, all I need is a sociopath treating my child.

I felt terrible there, and felt so much better after taking her out. I know it was the right choice. We got back to the hotel and started looking at reviews and boy we aren't the only ones who had this experience. Others described him as having a God complex, a narcissistic egomaniacal man who tries to make parents feel like all of their children's problems are their fault. So now we are looking for a therapist/center as Makae will need the help. Got a few people looking besides ourselves. We'll keep you updated.

Last Week living in Utah

2011-08-12T07:37:00.000-06:00

I am enjoying, and so enjoyed that time we have been here. This last week has been BUSY. We had a family reunion in Beaver last weekend, which was great. It was so nice to see everyone. Since then I have been able to go to lunch with Sheree, Lillie Ann, and was supposed to meet Mary Ann, but we didn't connect. That was too bad. Kecia and her girls came up and it was so fun spending the day with them all. I will miss having so much family around. Emma and Leah were adorable. They are welcome back any time. My Mom would love the company. I have been able to spend time with my kids, and with my Mom and have been able to help her clean some things that needed cleaning. I got to spend a half day with Lillie Ann. I will truly miss her. We have been so close. Alicyn and Char too. My sister and I have been so close. I have been getting things ready to go on Sunday. I am excited and oh so not. Living in Limbo for a while has been difficult and it will be good to have roots again, I just wish it was a little closes to home. But it will be a new adventure for us all. We saw Makae last night, and she looks good. She has good intentions and wishes, if she could only follow through. I think she is going to argue against going to the facility in Colorado, but I don't think she is capable on moving on yet, and so against my heart's desires she will be going. She is very sorry, and I think she has used the time in Lifeline this past week well. We have an appointment with her this morning around 11.

After that I plan on spending time with my MOM. I am so going to miss her. I am so glad we have phones. Later we plan on meeting Lill's family at the fair, perhaps Alicyn should come along since she is close too.

Anyway.... Busy week, but lots of joy and memories, and I am so glad I get to spend it with family and friends. I love you all so much! I have truly been blessed in those areas. Many areas actually, but especially there!

Attempt 3 or 4? I lose track!

2011-08-03T18:56:00.000-06:00

So most of you know Makae tried to kill herself again this morning. She would have succeeded to had God not intervened and warned me. This move has been really difficult on her, and she has been having some really REALLY bad weeks. It kind of all culminated this morning. She wanted to go back into lifeline this afternoon for a refresher course, which wasn't a bad idea, just that the insurance wouldn't pay for it, and we really can't afford it. We have looked into a program in Colorado that specialized in Borderline Personality Disorder. We and she planned on gong there but she cant get in till we move there. Anyway... I guess the idea that there was no help available for the next week really upset her. She stole some of my Mom's morphine pills and took 720 mg. 4 times a lethal dose. She didn't tell anyone.

I had her help me clean up after breakfast and we were working on a cabinet when she threw up everywhere. In her puke was some orange pills. I knew they weren't hers and I asked her, after the 4th time she finally answered that they were Mom's. If not for that I wouldn't have know what she had taken. By the time the ambulance got to the house she was shaking, cold, clammy, had hardly any pupils, and could barely stay awake. They got her in the ambulance and gave her some meds that force the autonomic system to become alert. It works for about 20 minutes. So they keep having to give it to her. In the emergency room, her breathing rate would average between 4-6 times a minute, and her oxygen got down to 70. They put her on oxygen and I kept telling her to breathe. They finally moved her over to ICU, where she will spend the next 24 hours. Then we will see what happens. I know she won't be coming home. They will want her to go to a crisis center.

She was really sorry and scared afterwards. I don't think she realizes how close she came to truly dying this time. As it is a extended release pill it will over the next 24 hours till the drug is out of her system, and she keeps repeating the same symptoms with slow breathing and low oxygen. She is still not out of it yet.

I love this girl to death, but there are times when I just want it to quit. I want her to quit this. I get tired of this battle. She is doing a little better tonight and so Shawn and I will be ushered out of the ICU and got home. Hope she is good in the morning. Thanks for all the caring and prayers and visits.

Moving on,

2011-07-28T20:40:00.002-06:00

I can't believe we no longer own a house. Got one under contract but don't own one. We moved out yesterday. Long beginning of the week with packing and cleaning. As I walked through the empty house it is funny how each room brought back memories. I am certainly going to miss it. Hope I learn to love the new one just as much!!! Hope I find new neighbors just as great as well. Thanks goes out to all of those who helped us move. I really appreciate it. It is so nice to be thought of.

Never a dull moment at the Willden house.

2011-07-17T07:19:00.000-06:00

So this week has been nuts.

We got back from Camping on Wednesday and spent the day cleaning up and doing laundry etc.

On Thursday I had a much needed spa session. 80 minutes massage - it was wonderful, and going with my sister, Lillie Ann, made it all the better. Then we met my brothers and Alicyn for lunch as Cole is leaving for home tomorrow. I so love it when there here. I really do miss them. And I hate to see them go. That night we headed to lifeline for an appointment for Makae, and it was the Birthday Party so we got to see a lot of old phasers that I absolutely love and miss. That was a treat. Makae had her session which went okay. Then on the way home the car engine light comes on, the the service car alert comes on. Then it refuses to switch gears, won't accelerate, the blinkers don't work, and the gas tank moves up to completely full. We barely made it home.

On Friday I run Makae down to Lifeline for service hours, and then to the grocery store to get groceries for the kids while Shawn and I are in Boulder. I get home about noon, and Shawn tells me we need to go to the doctor as his side, which hurt this morning has gotten worse. We went to the insta-care where they checked him out, and then sent him to the hospital for a CT scan. It seems Shawn has an appendicitis, and since he was supposed to go on a campout with Jace tonight for the Webelos, he arranged for someone else in the ward to take him. We ran home between him drinking some dye for the CT and got Jace all packed up. The house was a mess and I was not a happy camper. We got Jace off with Wayne Arave, and I arranged for Sheree to go pick up Makae from Lifeline. Shawn and I headed back up to the hospital. He had the scan and yep, it's his appendix. They sent him to the ER to schedule him for surgery. His doctor came in and it is a lady in our ward, Sheila Garvey. It was nice to know someone. And his anesthesiologist is a kid/adult now, who went to school with Herb in Morgan. I knew his sisters. Dad and Herb came down and gave Shawn a blessing and shortly after he went to Surgery. It wasn't long. About 1/2 total, about 15 minutes for the actual surgery. Lill came up to sit with me until Shawn got back to his room. That took about an hour. Then she headed home. She is a really good sister. Then I stayed with Shawn as he drank water and broth, walked and did everything so he could come home that night. He didn't want to spend the night. So at 11:30 at night we came home. Pretty quick trip. He was worried how this would set back our trip to Boulder, but I figured his health is really more important. Kelly met us, just as we were bringing Shawn out of the hospital.

On Saturday Shawn felt pretty good. He stayed in bed in the morning and most of the afternoon, but wasn't having much pain, and didn't use any pain killers. I cleaned up with the kids, took stuff to the DI, got Shawn's pills, and then headed home. The kids left to go to the lake, and then I did laundry and packed up some stuff. The kids came home just as Shawn decided that yes we were going to Boulder and that he was taking the boat now to store it there. And the tired needed to be packed, and some replaced and etc etc. So I called Darin to come and help him. Then Lill and Darin and I and Shawn, and Kurtis and Jace, rode all over trying to get a tire fixed. Never did, but found a guy who was selling some. Then we went to dinner, and came home, went out and got the tires and then tried to finish cleaning up and packing.

It is Sunday right now, and I have packed - just a few things left, have to finish one load of laundry, get the kids ready for the week, and stress to them the importance of being responsible. Lillie Ann took Jace for the week, so I am feeling a little better about that. And Makae has girls camp most of the week, so essentially it will just be the boys. Hope they don't kill each other!!! So I guess I better get going so we can get on the road. Maybe this week will be a little slower. Doubt it though. Maybe when we are moved and settled.!

Memorial Day

2011-07-06T20:51:00.000-06:00

We always spend Memorial Day down in Beaver, and even though Grandma died, we still did this year. We probably will alternate every other year from here on out. I would like my kids to get to know my ancestors as well.

As always we headed to Zions and took a hike. It was a difficult one this year as there was still snow in patches, and there must have been a lot of rain and wind because a lot of the trees were blown over blocking the path, and we had to climb over quite a few. We didn't go very far, because I was a party pooper and got tired of it downhill and didn't even want to deal with it up hill. Shawn got some fantastic pictures though.

Thats Ethan out on the ledge

On Sunday we took a drive over to Parawan with Ed and Susan and decorated Grandma Bea's family graves. Then over the canyon and back to Beaver. We went out to Maria's for supper as that is where Ed wanted to go for his Birthday and it was his birthday.

On Monday we headed to the cemetery. It is always so beautiful, but also it felt so empty this year. It just felt strange not having Grandma there sitting by the graves and visiting with everyone going by. She always had her flag themed umbrella to keep the sun off of her. It was nice visiting with family, but just not the same.

Putting up the full size flags on the graves at Sunrise. This is Ed and Dirk.

Another of Dirk

Cade in the tree. My kids have sat in this tree since they were just little.

Aunt Shirlene

Ethan in the tree

This guy comes every year in his full uniform. It is always so cool to see.

Makae died her whole head dark purple right before we came down, much to my dismay. However when she got in the pool at the hotel, it became a rainbow if colors, from purple, green, blue, turquoise to grey. She was quite upset. I thought it looked quite cool. And besides I didn't like the Purple, and knew she wouldn't keep it this way!

Just a fancy old truck at the cemetery

We leave Beaver about 10:30 and head North again, so we can be to my family's annual cookout. Shawn got some good pictures of it.

Courtney being Courtney

Granny

Anthony

Gramps roasting a hotdog.

Kaleigh Eating

Jared really enjoyed the day.

We celebrated Cade's 18th Birthday with my family. This was one of the shirts he got. I haven't seen him wear it yet!

Love this one of Gramps

Kaleigh and Courtney.

It was a very nice weekend and the whole family enjoyed it. I love holidays where the whole family gets together. Especially now that we are moving, I like them even more.

Narnia Day

2011-07-02T22:27:00.000-06:00

In May Jace's third grade class has a Narnia day. They started reading The Magicians Nephew in March and then continued with the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. The day included both of those books. The had people dressed up as different characters presenting parts of the day. They had feasts, wars, coronations, train rides, etc. It was very well done, and a lot of fun. A lot of people went to a lot of work to make it special for the kids, the decorations were great, the people were great, the food was great, and it ran so smoothly. Shawn took most of the pictures for the slide show, I was Mrs. McReady, and Cade made all of the shields for the battle as his eagle project. HE did a great job on them. These are some of the pictures of the day.

Uncle Andrew doing some magic tricks.

The scavenger hunt the first visit in narnia

More of the scavenger hunt

meeting Aslan

"All Aboard" The kids are leaving London, in the second book, and traveling to the country

Jace on the train with his ticket, he is a n Edmund

The kids meeting the scary Mrs. McReady. I must have been a bit harsh, they look a bit worried.

going through the wardrobe

meeting the warriors in Narnia

Warrior training.

More warrior training

Building their catapults

having the marshmallow war in warrior training

Metting Mrs. Beaver

Mr Beaver

What a human would need to be a beaver

Jace's group with the Beaver's in their den

Meeting Ginabrook - servent of the white which.

She froze things - with Liquid nitrogen and the kids were really interested

The white witch. She had it down so well. Shut up or I'll freeze you!

Jace got to pound a nail in with a frozen banana

Jace seeing what happens when you super freeze a balloon

Eating a super cold cracker

Jace's group with the witch

Mr Tumnus

Mr Tumnus playing for the kids

The kids playing with Mr. Tumnus

Father Christmas came and handed out the shields

The Royal Feast

Talking with Aslan before the big battle. Edmond was forgiven.

The coronation feast

The white witch heckling Aslan's forces before the battle

The Beaver's gearing up Aslan's team for battle

The battle begins

Jace getting in on the action and protecting himself with his shield

great hit by Aslan's team. Yes the parents are the wicked ones

I love this photo. He is really getting into it.

Jace's best friend Josh, gets biffed.

We are gonna win

The death of the evil forces

The excited victors

The White witch

The coronation of Edmund (Jace)

the kings and queens of Narnia

The war between the kids and their parents was a blast. They used nylon balls filled with flour for bombs and boy did they all get into it. It was a wonderful day. I am so glad Jace got to be a part of it, and us too!

Makae's graduation from lifeline

2011-06-30T10:43:00.000-06:00

During the first part of May, Makae graduated from Life line. Essentially she is no longer an official client. They do however still offer the opportunity for her to come in once a week if she wants to meet with counselors and other graduates who may be struggling. She also is continuing to see her therapist Dan whenever needed. And on top of that she can call anytime she needs and meet with any of the staff for a one on one. Those are all great blessings of the program. If you know of someone who is struggling, I can not recommend this program highly enough.

That night Makae was presented with a certificate of graduation and had some tributes paid to her. Dan talked about her struggles and how she has changed and continuing on that path and presented her with a Dear God journal to write her spiritual experiences is and it was already started with some messages from staff written in it. Ariel her counselor presented her with her certificate and also paid her a nice tribute. One of the nice things about this place is they truly love the people. They are not just another client. They care and make themselves available for them.

Makae got to talk to the current clients and tell them of her struggles, and area's she is working on and steps that helped her to get where she is today. They use the AA steps, even though most aren't there for alcohol problems. The steps work for whatever. After Makae spoke everyone got to say something wonderful about her progress and also address the clients and their families about stuggles and making it a day by day thing. It was very nice.

Afterwards we all went out to dinner at Cafe Rio - Makae's choice. Shawn's parents and my parents were both there, and some special friends for Makae, and then our immediate family. It was a nice evening. Makae has made a lot of progress and I am very proud of her. She will continue to struggle I think, but she has learned some amazing skills and has some tools that will help her as she chooses to apply them.

Makae with Courtney and Brittany

Makae and Erika

Another of Courtney, Makae and Brittany

Makae and Emily. Emily was her graduation counselor and so good for Makae. She is on a mission right now and we sure love her.

Makae and Dan. He has been the best therapist for her. He has made such a difference in her life. I hope we can find someone equally as good in Colorado.

Boulder/Denver

2011-06-29T09:56:00.000-06:00

Since it is official that we are moving to Boulder and Shawn finally uploaded a lot of picture I thought I better finish the pictures and post from when we went there in April.

We had New York Pizza in Denver. I'm not sure Ethan enjoyed it.

a good picture of Makae's face painting

the architecture of a church in Denver

Molly Browns house. The unsinkable Molly Brown is one of my favorite movies ever.

A close up

The kids on the front porch

A plaque on her house

Jace in front of the art museum

Ethan behind one of the sculptures

One area in denver has the center just for walking. There is a tram that runs up and down it, but no cars. There were a bunch of table set up with chess sets. Tons of people playing as well.

Jace on the same street

Rocky Mountain National Park

One of the area's that has glaciers year round. The wind was blowing pretty good and the snow at the top was being blown so it almost looked like clouds.

Jace on an overlook point.

Another view of the glacier area and the snow blowing.

Close up of the same area

The side of the road. It was beautiful.

We really enjoyed our time there, course a vacation is way different than living there. I am trying to keep a great attitude about it all, but I am so going to miss my friends and family here. When Shawn told me the house sold, I cried for an entire day.

My last project besides the house

2011-06-25T22:29:00.003-06:00

I think it turned out pretty good. It matches my kitchen now perfectly. But who knows if it will match my future one!!

The house is under contract

2011-06-22T18:12:00.003-06:00

I guess this means we're moving for real! Having the house sold takes a load off, but it also means we've got a lot of work to do to get a new house and then move. Yuck.

Finally updating / Jace's Birthday

2011-06-22T06:51:00.005-06:00

Shawn Finally downloaded a bunch of pictures, so I have a ton of updates to do, but I thought I would start with Jace's Birthday, since it is the most recent we have. He turned 10 this year. I can't believe my baby is a decade old. He is the one who told everyone that. "I am a decade old". Grandpa Merritt told him to try for a century.

He started out the day with a video chat with his dad. And also tons of phone calls from relatives. He was so excited that everyone was going to call him. Then we had a breakfast of his choosing. Eggs and bacon. At breakfast Cade gave him one of the gifts he had for him. He had made him a special wand, with the heart of a Basilisk fang, so it was the only wand that could kill horecruxes. (Spelling?). It was really quite cute. He dressed up at Olivander, and pretended that this was Jace's first time into the shop and gave him a couple of wands to try before ending up with the one he made. Jace really giggled and loved it, and so did Cade.

Mr. Olivander

I wondered when I would be seeing you

Nope doesn't work

Yep works perfect.

He also opened his gifts from Ethan.

He got 4 star wars figures.

Most of the day he played, but later we went to Ligori's for his supper. We met Alicyn and her kids there and also Courtney. Again he had a good time. He opened some more gifts and enjoyed the pizza.

Cade gave him his old i-pod. Jace has been using my original i-pod shuffle ( the 1st edition one) and it would charge, but quit being able to be updated a long time ago. And he wanted some new music, so now he has it. He was so excited. WE had to come home and put new music on it that night.

Jared was a hoot. He was cleaning up for the waitress. He cleaned off all the dishes and stacked them so they were easier for her to get. He really loves to work like this. It was so cute.

Most of us. I am getting ready to pay.

Afterwards we all came back to our house, and we picked up Jace's friend, and they all went swimming and had Cake and Ice Cream. His friend was supposed to come to dinner with us, but he got home late so we went without him. Jace had a great day and I was so glad he enjoyed it. Boy he grew up way to fast. I sure love him!

Wonderful NEWS

2011-06-06T11:32:00.004-06:00

Jace said it best the moment we got home. "You mean we get to be a put together family again!!!" He was so excited and so are we. We had Cade's final court appearance today and he is home with us and done with them. I am so happy to have him back home. Having him at my parent's wasn't bad, but it just wasn't home!!!

We have to clean out Shawn's office so he will have a bedroom, and find a bed, but we can do that. The judge was just as ornery as ever, and really yelled at Shawn, but he didn't have a leg to stand on to keep Cade from being released or coming home!!!!

It has been over 2 years since my whole family has lived in the same place. I am so happy to have us all together again!!!!

THANKS TO GOD!!!!!!

Pine Wood Derby

2011-05-22T09:03:00.004-06:00

Jace's Pack had a pinewood Derby in April. Shawn wasn't here so my Dad helped him make the car and spent the evening with him. It was a fun evening, and I think Jace was excited to have his grandpa with him. Dad is always so good to help out!

Gramps and Jace with the car.

Jace took LAST PLACE and got the carefullest driver award. I don't think he minded as the last place was the only one who got a treat. He got two bags of M & M's all to himself.

He also got the sleekest car award. Here he is showing it off with some others as well.

waiting to see how he does on a run.

excited even though he knew he was losing. Ge already knew what last place got, from previous years.

again waiting for his run.

gramps and Jace making there stand for the car.

I have a great Dad. He certainly helped make the night special for Jace. I think they had fun, even if the car didn't win. Thanks Dad for all of your help and support!

Beauty is a Beast

2011-05-15T20:46:00.004-06:00

Ethan was Nick in the play that his Drama Club put on. It really was a cute play. Beauty is pretty, but quite Mean too. So her Fairy Godmother decides to take away her outer beauty until she finds her inner beauty. She becomes a peasant and Nick and his family take her in. Of course Nick and Beauty fall in love (not that you would know it in the play) and get married and live happily ever after.

The pictures are all in backwards order. This is Ethan after the play.

Beauty deciding she wants to stay with Nick and be "Ugly" which she wasn't.

Nick and his family greeting the Royals

Fairy Godmother deciding if she should leave Beauty "ugly" or make her beautiful again.

Nick and Beauty - he is supposed to be almost kissing her in this part. We teased him about his LONG DISTANCE Romance.

Nick and Beauty

Nick getting after Beauty for being selfish.

Fairy God Mother telling us the story. She was great!!!

Nick inviting Beauty into his home.

The Royal family. Pretty Beauty is in White.

Nick dancing with a peasant at the ball.

The whole cast, including directors.

The cast and the castle scenery.

Ethan being tough before it starts.

Ethan posing "COOL"

The play really was quite good. The ladies that brought it all together did such a great job, and the kids really enjoyed it. Ethan did a great job as well. Wow 3 of 4 of my kids so far have the acting bug.

Boulder

2011-05-06T11:47:00.007-06:00

We went to Boulder at the first of April, to get a look at the area, and areas around it. We looked at some schools, visited the National Park, went to the Aquarium, in Denver, and spent family time together. The kids did homework all week to keep up. Here are a few pictures from our trip.

A beautiful point in Rocky Mountain National Park

The kids on the view point, and Shawn taking pictures from there.

The kids being jelly fishes at the aquarium while waiting for a ride.

A cool octopus. He was pretty big.

The four kids showing off their face painting.

The face painting came with the price of the tickets. Cade got a snake.

Makae got a butterfly.

Jace got spongebob.

Ethan got a dolphin.

Cade in the great white Shark mouth.

The orangutans at the aquarium. They had crocodiles, and Tigers too.

My kids, the fishes.

Jace the fish.

A huge boa.

Don't remember what they are looking at.

Jace with the Piranha.

Ethan and Jace.

Fish Ethan liked.

We had a great time. We swam, shopped, relaxed, and just enjoyed each other. It went by way to fast. And the ride was way long, but we sure enjoyed all being together.

New Update

2011-05-05T20:07:00.001-06:00

Need a new update. Have tons to post about, have no time, or desire right now. Guess you all get boring for a while!

Grandma Bea

2011-04-14T05:39:00.000-06:00

My grandma is doing really poorly. She has infection throughout her whole body, and the doctors don't expect her to live through the weekend. It has spread to her blood stream and is so painful that they have sedated her.

My memories of her are so clear. When Shawn and I got engaged, we headed to Beaver to visit with his Aunt Colleen (who did weddings) and with Grandma. She was so excited. Her first and oldest grandson..... and I was accepted immediately as family. For years she called me Kris Ann. Didn't matter how many times we told her my name was Kristanne, she insisted on Kris Ann. She eventually got it right. We visited Beaver at least twice a year, and more if we could. We always stayed at Grandma's house. She was amazing to me. She has this tiny little house, and I mean tiny. Her frontroom, would fit maybe 5 people cozily, but it was always filled to over capacity, and she seemed to revel in it. She has 6 children and they all had big families, and whenever anyone came to visit grandma the whole crew came. The house was always filled with people. Some would sit on the floor with the kids, other stand in the doorways, but it was always full. She was so happy, and loving. Everyone loved her. In town they called her Aunt Bea. When my kids came along she made things for each of them, and even came to blessings. That's a long way - especially since she didn't drive on LONG drives much. South Weber to Beaver is about 3 1/2 hours at least. Usually more. Grandma would stay up late visiting with family and still managed to get up early. I never figured that one out.

In the past few years grandma started getting forgetful. She moved into an assisted living place in Beaver, with the insistance that she WAS going back to her house. Whenever we visited she would be so excited to show off her oldest grandson and all of us. We would go out for mexican food at Maria's or Cancun, or to Arshell's.

My favorite memories all surround Memorial Day. We always celebrate it down in Beaver. Shawn and I, or Susan and I have taken grandma to Parowan the past 10 years or so to decorate he families graves. Grandma would take us on a tour around the city to show us where she lived, and talk about the ranch her parents owned, and how they gradually lost it. She would show us the different areas of the town that meant so much to her. We would decorate the graves and she would talk about each member. She really loved her family. On Memorial Day we would head up about 9 to the Beaver Cemetery and she would be be dressed all in patriotic colors and proceed with her chair and umbrella to Grandpa's grave. He died about 6 years after Shawn and I got married. The whole cemetery is decorated with flags and flowers galore. It is quite the patriotic site. People in Beaver celebrate memorial Day. Grandma would spend most of the day there. She would visit graves, visit people and they always have a little program there. She made sure all of the flowers were just so on grandpa's grave, and only on his side (She after all wasn't dead).

Grandma Bea is my grandma. When I married Shawn all of my grandparents had died, while I was young. She really taught me what a grandma is and how I want to be at that time of life!! Grandma loves her husband greatly. She has missed him for 15 years now. She had a real hard time when he passed. When her daughter and son in law Colleen and Randy were killed in a freak accident a few years back, if was really hard on her. I wasn't sure she would rally back, but she did. If there is one thing that is good if she happens to pass on, it is that she would be re-united with these loved ones that she misses so much. we would miss her terribly, but be comforted by the knowledge that we will see her again.

Grandma, I know you can't read this.... but we love you and you are in our prayers. The Lord will bless you with whatever is right and at least I will be at peace either way. Thank you for being a wonderful example to me, and for all of the love you have given me. Thank you for the time I have had to know you, and learn from you, and help you, and love you. May you be at peace.

Jace's school program

2011-04-01T05:39:00.001-06:00

Jace's school program was on Wednesday this week. Since his dad couldn't be there he invited everyone he could think of. Gramps came, and so did grandma and grandpa, along with Makae. He did such a good job. He knew all the words and the actions, said his part really well, and did great. The songs were fun and it only lasted about 1/2 hour. It was really good, and quite crowded. Not a seat left empty. In fact we all had to stand along the wall, though I eventually went and stole to chairs from the hall for Gramps and myself.

There was one more, the best, but I couldn't get it to load for some reason. This will have to suffice.

Good News

2011-03-22T18:17:00.000-06:00

A couple of nice things have happened this past week.

1st - Cade passed his driving test. All we have to do is go to the DMV and get his official lisence. (on a SAD note - my insurance just went up a WHOLE LOT!) I am so excited for him though.

2nd- Makae changed her hair AGAIN, only this time it is a nice color and cut, nothing out there, just NORMAL!!!! Her choice too.

3rd- Ethan is doing really good in his play "Beauty is a beast". His has the male lead. Anyone who wants to come, it will be at the Morgan County building on May 3rd in the evening.

4th - Repairs in the house are done. Now it's on to the Cleaning - don't know if this is a good news or not, but it's a step closer to being done.

5th - Jace is acing math. He conquered his times and division in no time flat. I think he has had the easiest time of all my kids!!!! I am so proud of him.

6th - Cade has all the scouts coming over to help on his eagle project tomorrow. That means it will be done soon. YEA!!!!!!

7th - Shawn loves his job. He really enjoys working for google, and I am happy for him.

Prom

2011-03-15T08:07:00.000-06:00

Prom was last Saturday. There was a bunch of drama leading up to it, at least on the girl's parts, but it turned out to be a nice day. Cade had a great time with his date, Mesa. I think she had a great time too. They spent the day at the mall watching Rango, and getting lunch there, actually with a family group. We went to the movie with the boys, but didn't sit with them. But Makae and Kristy, both of Courtney's cousin's spent the day with them, so it was a good group of people. I think they actually enjoyed that a lot. I only had to thump Courtney and Ian once for kissing in the movie!! (lol) She says I have a good thumper - I learned from the best. She knows I tease her and they were both really good about it. Oh Yes and I kicked her seat once, when I thought they were too close. Annoying Aunt!

After the movie, the kids went their separate directions to get ready for the promenade and dance. Since Ian was a senior he wasn't part of the promenade, but they came anyway so we could take pictures with everyone. Afterwards, Cade and his date ate at the dance. It was a fairly good deal, the prom, pictures, and their meal for 90. At first I was outraged, but after I found out what it cost, I was okay with it. They all got home pretty late.

These pictures are in reverse order and I'm not rearranging them - so just enjoy backwards.

Cade modeling Makae's mask. It was a masquerade.

Makae, Cade, Courtney. Cade doubled with Courtney and Ian. Ian goes to Morgan and Makae introduced them at a New Year's Eve dance, and they having been dating since.

They are both kicking up, but in Makae's dress you can't quite tell.

Cousins.

Makae's date cancelled two days before prom, so her dad offered to take her out, all dressed up, to the restaurant of her choice. They went to Temari, for Sushi, and I think they both really enjoyed it. Makae looked so pretty! She got a bit teary eyed and upset during the promenade, when her date showed up with another girl, but all in all she had a good night and day.

Ian and Cade being boys. Ian was Courtney's date.

Makae, Mesa, Courtney

The kids being crazy.

A serious shot.

Courtney and Ian

Courtney in her mask.

Mesa and Cade. Doesn't Cade look handsome?!!!

The Promenade. They were supposed to stop so we could take their picture, but they were a little nervous.

At Granny's.

Bond, James Bond, with his water squirt gun!

Mesa and Makae

Makae and Shawn. What a sweet Daddy/ Daughter date.

Cade and Makae

Cade and Mesa

Mesa pinning on Cade's boutonniere.

Courtney said they all had a blast especially Cade and Mesa. Cade was rather silent on the subject. His response was he had a good time. She said they would each do crazy dances and spent a lot of the night quoting movies together, and just enjoyed each other. I am so happy he had such a great time. He's even going to ask her out again. This was their 2nd date.

Searching for the Rainbow

2011-03-06T15:17:00.001-07:00

The last few weeks have been difficult to say the least. It seems like all I am doing is putting out fires. Whine Whine Whine. Yes I know, if you don't want to hear me whine - you can stop reading here.

Shawn has gone, and it is difficult. At least on his other trips I new he would be home for a bit, so we could talk, get the finances squared away, deal with kid issues, and still have bit of time for ourselves. Not now. We've been doing finances via the internet, and also most kid issues. I hate being a single parent on those things. It always is nice to have backup on such things. And the personal time... well, does sleeping in the same bed for a night count?

You know I've always heard the Lord won't over-program you. But sometimes I really believe his reality of my endurance sure is a lot different from mine. this last week alone..... (yes just to complain some more) Shawn left, Ethan was irritated by a lot of little things, I learned that Makae would be allowed back in school on Monday only to find out she will be expelled tomorrow. I had to deal with a drama teacher that was less that helpful with Makae and the play. I had to deal with cancelled therapy appointments, fixing up the house, preparing Cade and Makae for regional drama, only to have Makae be uninvited, help out in Jace's class, and deal with a night in the Emergency room due to Makae's allergies.

I believe what I have heard in General Conference that there are mountains to climb, and peaceful valleys. And I know the Lord has blessed us with allowing Shawn to find a job so quickly after the last one, and that I have help getting the house in order, and that Makae has a great therapeutic support system..... BUT.... Can I say but(?)....... I need a valley. I need a GOOD, LONG, EXTENDED STAY in the VALLEY!!! Every storm has it's rainbow, and I am searching really hard for it.

This week, hopefully will be less hectic. Tomorrow I get to go meet with the school, early for Makae, then go to court with Makae, and then there is the normal appointments, of therapy, orthodontist, etc. But hopefully it will all work out and be not as stressful as it seems.

Sunday Blessings

2011-02-28T11:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at church I was so impressed by so many messages, ones that seemed to speak right to me. I wanted to share some of them with you.

First, the lady that talked in Sacrament has a deaf, autistic son. She has had many trials through life with him and at one time wrote a letter to the first presidency of the church. They responded with a letter to her. The message they sent really touched me and applied so well to my Makae. So I applied it to her. The letter said that the Lord was very aware of "Makae" and "her" issues, and was doing all he could to help "her". And that He was also aware of "my" efforts and the best way I could help "her" was to stay close to the Lord and be obedient and to pray always for "her". It hit me so strongly. Heavenly Father really is aware of the trials facing her and is doing all he can to send people her way, and opportunities her way to give her the help she needs.

In Sunday School they also talked about prayer and how the intent of our prayers is what makes them important. We aren't to pray to be heard of man, and to sound important, but to truly communicate. Also, that how we pray is important as well, always seeking for God's will, and our ability to come unto him instead of needing our own will. I thought about how that applied to me and realized for the last few years I have been praying for God to take this trial away and heal Makae. Although I am sure He could do this I don't think it is going to happen, at least not any time soon. I had some thoughts come that instead of praying for that I should be praying that there would be people sent to help her along the way, that she can feel the spirit and be led by it, that she will return to the gospel in God's time, and that I should pray for patience and endurance until that time, and be blessed to know how to deal with things during the meantime. I felt so much peace with that prompting, so that is what I am going to do.

In Relief Society - I so wished that Makae had been there. The message was so good, it was about not turning away from God. It was a talk by Neil L Anderson. He said,..."We enter the waters of baptism with joy and anticipation. The Savior beckons, Come unto Me, and we respond taking His name upon us. Not one of us wants this journey to be a brief flirtation with spirituality or even a notable but finite chapter. The road to discipleship is not for the spiritually faint of heart. Jesus said, Though shalt love the Lord the God with all the heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. As we follow the Savior, without question there will be challenges that confront us. Approached with faith, these refining experiences bring a deeper conversion of the Savior's reality. Approached in a worldly way, these same experiences cloud our view and weaken our resolve. Some we love and admire slip from the strait and narrow path and walk no more with Him."

He said offense is one way we separate ourselves from God. "Offense comes in many costumes and continually finds its way onstage. People we believe in disappoint us. We have unanticipated difficulties. Our life doesn't turn out exactly the way we were expecting. We make mistakes, feel unworthy, and worry about being forgiven. We wonder about a doctrinal issue. We learn of something spoken from a Church pulpit 150 years ago that bothers us. Our children are treated unfairly. We are ignored or under-appreciated. It could be a hundred things, each very real to us at the time. In our weakened moments, the adversary seeks to steal our spiritual promises. If we are not watchful, our injured childlike spirit will retreat back into the cold, dark crust of our former bloated ego, leaving behind the warm healing light of the Savior. "

He talked about letting others determine our beliefs saying, "Unless the roots of your testimony are firmly planted, it will be difficult for you to withstand the ridicule of those who challenge your faith. Quoting Paul with " God hath not given us the spirit of fear... be not ashamed of the testimony of our Lord."

"Where much is given much is required. Do I have to be different? Can't I be a disciple without thinking so much of my behavior? Can't I love Christ without keeping the law of chastity? Can't I love him and do what I want? That answer is no, not if you truly love Him. We will not understand everything. Things will not be fair. We will feel separated at times from those around us, BUT..... This should not deter our growth or destiny or impede our spiritual progress as a disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ." He closed with, "Your testimony will keep you safe, and as you push your spiritual roots deep, feasting daily on the words of Christ in the scriptures. As you trust in the words of the living prophet, placed before us to show the way. As you pray and pray and listen to the quiet voice of the Holy Ghost that leads us along and speaks peace to our soul, whatever challenges arise we will never, never leave him. "

I know that if we turn to the Lord in our difficulties, he will strengthen us, and help us to grow and learn. If we don't, we become bitter and angry and lost. I've been there too. It all depends on if we choose to leave him or not. After all we have our free agency to chose for ourselves. I only hope in time.... Makae will turn to him, and that the rest of my children will continue to turn to him. Me and Shawn too.

I was really blessed by all of the messages the Lord sent to me. And I do thank him, and all of you who gave those messages.

Eye Openers

2011-02-23T09:16:00.000-07:00

I have to admit to being a bit judgmental in the past. I always forgave easily and didn't hold it against a person for long, but I often made judgements. Especially about people who did drugs and were generally slackers, with school, with the law, with religion. I always assumed lack of parent involvement, or it was allowing too much freedom, or that the kid was just trouble. Boy did that come home to roost!

Sure, some of that goes on, AND I would even be tempted to say that MOST of the people in prison today are there because of those reasons. BUT not ALL. With all that has occurred in my family the past few years, and is still happening, I have a whole new view of it. Some personalities have to learn things the hard way. They can be very intelligent good kids, have parents who really care and are very involved in their lives and doing all they can to guide and direct. BUT in spite of all of this, they make choices that really hurt themselves and those around them. They make choices that limit their future. Why? I wish I knew. I wish I understood better.

I have one child that is really this way. No matter how many times they see the light, something comes up that gets in the way and they make another bad choice. I pray and pray and pray that someday the light will stay and they will get it. Till then I suppose life is going to be very up and down for my family. Not a trial I would wish to have, or wish on anyone. But I am not alone. Lifeline is full of people who are making similar choices. Some do get it and others ride the roller coaster. There was a girl there last night back in the full time program that rode so often I wondered if she would ever get it. She finally did and I was so excited to see her leave, and so happy for her mom. It broke my heart to see her back there again. I pray for her and her Mom too. She has a terrific Mom!!!

I have another child that gets most of it, except when he doesn't. And with him it is truly interesting. Socially he doesn't get it. It isn't even that he sees the light, he just doesn't get it. But at least with that, most of the decisions are good ones, at least the ones that really matter to his future.

Anyway.... I have to truly apologize to those I judged, even if you didn't know I was doing it. I have so much more compassion for you and yours. It is funny in an odd way how our trials make us more understanding of those and the world around us.

Music and the Spoken Word.

2011-02-19T07:59:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday we went to Salt Lake to hear Music and the Spoken Word. It was wonderful. The music, the colors, the word, the orchestra. It was amazing. We were in the top balcony almost in the middle. Couldn't see faces very well, but the sound was amazing. It sounded like they were playing next to us, and behind us. The kids enjoyed it, and they behaved really well. Even Jace didn't get bored. It was really nice. When the choir performed Beethoven's 9th Symphony, Ode to Joy, it just made you want to stand up and join it was so enthralling. And the message was great for all os us. Love does not change even if the person who loves does. Love is enduring, if only we endure and allow it to endure. Trials may come and go, but if you have true commitment, love does not disappear with those trials. Here are just a few of the pictures we got while there.

I love the way the lights changed behind the pipes of the organ. When the Ode to Joy song started out it was this color, and it got more joyful, the colors changed to yellow around the pipes and an orange pink up higher, it just portrayed the mood so well.

Baby fix

2011-02-15T11:45:00.000-07:00

Last week I got to spend time with kids/babies and I loved it. I do need a baby around, just not mine, or even my grandchild. I will suffice with nieces and nephews for now. Even neighbors. On Tuesday I headed out to Susan's, and met Kecia and her kids, and Susan there. Jamie came too, only she didn't bring her kids. Later Melinda came, just as I was leaving, so I didn't get much time with her kids. But it was fun playing with Emma. She played the Who are You, game again with me, and we played foos ball. Well we did till she figured out Jamie was better at it. But I got to see her pretty dolls, and her pretty clothes, and bows. She is such a cute little girl.

This was a picture of her coloring in her book. She loved it.

Her Mom was setting up the TV for her, and I caught her in a bad picture, so this was her interpretation of being enthralled with some princess movie. Gotta love Kecia.

On Friday I met Charlene, Meagan, Rhone, Mom, Lill and Alicyn for lunch. Meagan is headed back to Delaware so we ll got together before she left. We had a nice time visiting and of course Rhone keeps us all busy.

This is Rhone saying he didn't want his picture taken. He decided to hide behind his toys.

Meagan

Rhone being shy

Charlene

Granny gave Rhone a lemon, which he didn't want, but if she put salt on it, he would such the salt off again and again. It was really hilarious. His little faces were adorable. He was wiping the sourness off, which just wiped the salt off and then he would ask for more salt.

Another smirk with the salt and lemon.

He decided to try his apples, but when no one else would try them, he told us we were all through eating.

Rhones Silly grin, with Nan (Charlene) and Granny Great.

The last one of Rhone who was giggling from being tickled.

I sure had a great time with the adults, not only the babies. I love it when the whole family gets together for visiting and playing. It may be noisy, but it is also full of joy and warmth. I am blessed to have great families on both sides!!

Makae's allergies

2011-02-10T08:23:00.001-07:00

Makae has been having some allergic reactions. They started in December. We told her to keep a food journal, and she started on some daily allergy over the counter meds. That controlled it for the most part. There were a few days it was worse than most. And she didn't bother keeping the journal. A couple of weeks ago she came home from school with hives everywhere and a swollen face and her throat had closed up making it hard to breath. Actually they sent her home. She took some benedryl and slept most of it off. We figured we had figured it out by then, or at least narrowed it down to three. Cinnamon being the major culprit. I have a sister that can't eat cinnamon things like gum, or suckers, or candy, but it is fine in things like pie etc. So I figured that was probably it.

She continued to have hives over the next little while and stayed on the daily meds. So we knew there was something else, but didn't know what. Then last night when we went to Grandpa's.... She had another severe reaction. See the pictures below. Once again she had problems breathing. We didn't stay long at grandpa's, but it was a good thing he had some benedryl in his cabinet. This morning she is still swollen, and we are headed to a doctor to get some steroid shots and an epi-pen as each reaction is getting worse. Don't know what it is now as she hasn't kept a real good journal, and she hasn't had cinnamon at all. We do have a list of what she ate the last two times, but I'm not sure if that will help. I can't make a connection.

Doesn't she look beautiful here? Her face is just as swollen this morning. And this if after 3 treatments of benedryl, though the hives aren't as bad. In fact, she came in this morning to show us, and Ethan said he didn't notice much of a change, to which she said, "Are you saying I always look like this?" That was just after we said she looked terrible, and Shawn told her she wasn't very pretty. Ethan quickly changed what he was saying so it sounded a little better. We all laughed including Makae.

We kept putting this off because Shawn's insurance he has now, has a 5000 deductable to meet, which we obviously haven't. In two weeks he'll have his new insurance and they cover all of this, with a 10 dollar co-pay, but....... I don't think we can put this off. Hopefully we can discover what it is soon. Makae is going to have to be more vigilant at keeping a food diary.

Boulder

2011-02-06T18:40:00.002-07:00

I am not certain, but it seems likely that Boulder got it's name from all of the rock formations around it. These ones here are called the flat irons (I believe) and seem to be the most famous landmark in the area. Course I haven't had tons of time to research yet, so I am going by my brief overview of a lot of things.

Another with the flat irons in the foreground.

This is an aerial view of Colorado University.

This is an area of downtown that is a walking area -no cars. The city tends to be really liberal and is very "Green" conscious. Not that that is bad.

This is the google building Shawn will be working at. I had a hard time finding pictures of it for some reason.

I need to do a lot more research, but so far it seems like a nice place. It's urban in a country setting. About 20 minutes outside of town and you are in smaller communities like Morgan or Malad, which is what we prefer. And it's close enough to downtown to do shopping and movies, etc., and only 30-40 minutes away from Denver.

Now we have to get the house ready to sale and on the market soon. We have one room to put totally back together and a couple of walls that need painting. They have some nicks and dirt that won't come off. Then I need to find a good realtor. Anyone know one that really will sell a house without asking you to give it away, and not take a major chunk of the profit?

New Month's resolutions.

2011-02-03T09:15:00.003-07:00

I always put off making goals till after January. January just seems to be a hard month, and when I made goals, I always failed during January so I started making them in February, and it works better for me. SO.........

This year I have a couple of things I will share. If I share them, I have to do them, is my thinking. Not necessarily that you're interested, but it helps me to keep them better.

1. Shawn and I are going to attend the temple once a month, or at least 12 times this year. It gets to be difficult, because when I need a break, the temple doesn't seem like escapism. I have to change that thinking. This is the gift I chose to give to Jesus this year as well.

2. I will get in better shape. I didn't say I was going to lose weight. Whenever I say that I end up gaining more than I started at, but I will be more active and improve my health.

3. I will have a more positive/thankful attitude. Since all the stuff started happening with our family I have come to see the negative in almost any situation, and I find myself playing the victim a lot. There is no way I can help my daughter overcome this if I indulge in it myself. I find that I complain a lot and share my pain a lot, most of the time for sympathy. Not only does that move me into dangerous territory, but it also makes me come off as a whiner. Who likes whine babies? I don't. So I certainly don't want to be one. If I post something that is making me out to be a victim, tell me so.

So..... There are my three improvements for the year. Well, I have others, but not others that are as urgent.

So to start it out..... I love you all. You are great and I do thank my Heavenly Father for each of you each day. I have been blessed to have such wonderful family and friends!!!

Shared Thoughts

2011-02-01T05:11:00.000-07:00

You know....... Motherhood, is not what I thought it was going to be at all. It is amazing to me how you can love someone so much, and yet they can cause you so much pain and anger and upset, yet you still love them with all your heart.

I find it interesting that my biggest hurts come from the hurts of my children. People can say what they want about me, and even treat me badly, and I can let it go, but hurt my child and I have a real hard time forgiving you.-- That isn't really true..... I forgive easily, unless you continue to hurt my child.

Last week Jace came home from school, and was upset and whiny most of the nights. It was like he had taken a huge step backwards. I couldn't figure out what was bugging him. He didn't tell me either, just that he had no friends. Yesterday his teacher called to tell me that his grade had been making fun of him. Two girls had started a game called the "Jace touch" that when he touched you it was like you had cooties or something. It had been going on for over a week. No wonder he was having a bad week. Yesterday she excused Jace for an activity and then the class and the other classes were sat down by the teachers and principal and given a huge lecture on bullying. I just wanted to cry for Jace. I don't think the two girls really meant to hurt him, but oh they did. I am amazed at how well he handled it actually.

Things like that hurt me. I feel sorrow, and hurt for my kids and wish I could prepare them better, and teach them better social skills so that things like this wouldn't happen. But it isn't like I haven't. It's like having your hands tied, and their is nothing you can do but love your kids, which I do. It's just hard.

Makae's last week has been a doozy. She has taken so many steps backward. Done things she never did before therapy, and made really bad decisions. Most of them based on emotion instead of rationality. I hurt for her too. I love her so much and see decisions she makes that are leading her down a road she really doesn't want to go down, if she thinks about it. But she is so impulsive and can't see beyond this moment, or won't and I really wish I knew how to help her. I just hope and pray that all of my love and prayers, like Alma's dad, have some effect on her in her future.

Cade is awkward. He is socially inept - well maybe that is a little strong. He is socially about 13. He has adult feelings, and likes girls, but relates to kids. He is doing well at school, and doing great with therapy, but friends are a real issue. He hangs out with people but really has no friends. He has no one to go to their house, to double date, to invite over. I know he is lonely, and I wish I could give him the social awareness he needs.

Ethan is doing well. I am so blessed to have him. He has good friends. Does well in school. I do find that as he enters his teenage years the normal teenage stuff comes up and sometimes on top of the other stuff it seems overwhelming, which is so unfair to him. When he has bad days I find I don't have the energy or patience to deal with it, which is so totally unfair. I need to do better at that.

Anyway... I guess what this whole post is about, is that as I sat and held my new born baby, what I expected then, and what I see now are so totally different. It isn't that I don't want to be a mom or love my children, but boy I wasn't prepared for what I got. It does help me to realize that I really have done the best I know how. I mean there was no instruction book, and I did what I have thought best with prayerful consideration for most of their lives. It's just difficult to see them hurting. I'm not trying to complain here, or say life is unfair, I guess I just wish for some healing - major healing to happen in my family. If it doesn't we will get by and do our best, but it sure would be nice!!!! I so want my kids to have happy, successful lives, and most of all for them to remain active in the church and realize the truthfulness of it and the blessings it brings.

Mindful Monday

2011-01-31T14:01:00.003-07:00

If the sun comes out just a little more I won't have to shovel walks with the snow we got last night.

I thought Shawn took the keys this morning, they were hiding, and I got out of helping at the school, which I generally enjoy - but I had no energy today.

Makae got sent home from school for a normal reason. She is allergic to cinnamon - we think - and her lips, nose and eyes are huge, and she has hives everywhere.

Because I couldn't find the keys, Dad brought her home for me. One less trip.

Shawn had another interview today, in Utah this time. They really like him.

Jace got to have a friend come home from school with him, which makes him very happy, and keeps him entertained.

My room is clean!!

Sunday Sunshine?!

2011-01-30T19:08:00.000-07:00

Okay Kecia, this is a direct copy. But I felt I needed to be more thankful in my life and look for the good. Maybe I will give it a different name though.

I have a wonderful, smart husband who is supportive and also a good income maker. Even though his job with IBM, is taking a turn, he has been able to interview with many other companies, and they want him. I am so thankful for that. Even if it happens to move me hundreds of miles from my family and friends and I will be so lonely I won't be able to stand it. (Okay so the last isn't true) Also that Heavenly Father has been involved in that as well.

I have wonderful parents, and in-laws that are ready to help and support at any time.

I was so excited and happy to see Rhone yesterday, sick and looking very much so, giggling and running around after he had his tylenol. He is such a cute little kid. I was glad to see his mom as well. Just to bad his dad has left already!

I am grateful for police that move quickly and find run-aways.

I am thankful that not all people who pick up hitch hikers, rape and kill them.

I am thankful that Lifeline has people around 24 hours to talk to kids and parents whenever they need support.

I am so blessed with neighbor's that step in and comfort, and take care of my kids.

I THINK I am thankful for being a mother!!!

Did that put a good spin on it all? Hope so!! I am going to be positive.!

Fun in the Snow

2011-01-21T14:21:00.004-07:00

Over the years we have had a lot of fun in the snow. Usually we head up to my sister's in Malad the day after Christmas to go sleigh riding. This year that day was a Sunday so we didn't. We haven't been up since, and I really miss the sleigh riding. It is an annual tradition that the whole family likes. These are few pictures of the past 10 years. Hope you enjoy a trip down memory lane. You really need to click on these photos to enlarge them so you can see the details and the facial expressions.

Shawn first trying snowboarding. Doesn't he look young?!

No blog on this would be complete without "Hagatha" She was so funny that day, NOW. It didn't seem like it then.

Brett driving my lazy kids and Courtney up the hill.

Love the expression on Makae's face here.

Cade and Ethan at the end of a run.

Makae when she was first checking out snowboarding. We have a couple different ones of this.

Cole and his friend Laura, sending Jace down the hill.

Ethan biffed it.

Cade. Again I love how much fun they are having.

Me too!

I love this one of Lill. It is so hilarious. She will shoot me for posting it, but it is too great not to.

The end of the sleigh riding this day.

It was sooo fun. And such a big group. This is the year we met Ben.

Jace eating snow.

Me not getting far on a run.

This year there was so much snow, we couldn't get back to the hill, so Brett pulled the kids around on their tubes, all tied together, with his 4 wheeler. They loved it.

Cade and Courtney

Ethan. He is having so much fun. Look at his face.

Same year. This is the snow piled on the side of the driveway.

And another.

Another year, with Lill loving going down hill.

One of Char and Lill. They enjoy it as much as the kids. Shawn is on the far side ready to go down as well.

Jace lost his footing.

This year Brett drove all the kids out back with the tractor. They loved riding in the shovel.

Okay, coming up the hill can be a little difficult when you are older. The snow was crunchy on top and I kept going through up to my shins each time I stepped, when I crawled it didn't break.

Another of Cade biffing it.

Ethan

Cole and Charlene.

Ethan and I right before and during our biff. At least we enjoyed it.

Last year we didn't get much sleigh riding in. The snow wasn't deep enough, all of the plants sticking up kept popping our tubes. But we had fun anyway.

Jace trying to make it work.

Day After Christmas

2011-01-16T20:08:00.002-07:00

The day after Christmas was almost as busy as Christmas day. We headed up to Mom's again. Charlene and her family was coming down. We ate leftovers and had a feast. We opened a few more presents and just enjoyed everyone's company. Everyone made it except for Alicyn and her family. There was a bad accident in the canyon, and they got stuck behind it and they eventually closed the canyon and sent all those people home, so she didn't make it. It was really too bad. It was really good to be together since Herb and Cole left the next day. Later in the day we headed through the terrible storm to Provo so we could attend Leah's blessing.

Dad opening his gift from Char and Brett

Since the roads were so bad, a storm was raging, and there was tons of people traveling we decided to take the back route, and it was really not to bad. We went from Morgan, up through Coalville, over to Heber City and Down Provo Canyon. It saved us time too. We passed a few accidents, but all in all, it wasn't too bad. The blessing was a nice quiet affair at Kecia's house. We got to visit with Shawn's family, which was really nice, and Melinda was there. It was nice to see her, we haven't for some time.

Leah and Grandpa Ed

Alex and I.

Alex, isn't he cute?

Simon

Leah in her blessing dress, she was pretty somber most of the night. No smiles. But she wasn't upset or fussy either.

I think Shawn did a real nice job on these ones.

Couldn't resist this one of Emma. So Cute. She was cute that night, she had to show me the Kitchen she got for Christmas. Although she didn't call it a kitchen, she called it a chicken, she is so funny. She has everyone in her room playing princess, and her cousins in her tent and boy was she having fun.

Susan

Kecia's Family

Glenn and Leah

It was a really nice night. Then we drove back the way we came and dropped Cade off, and headed home ourselves.

Christmas Day 2010

2011-01-14T12:02:00.001-07:00

As I mentioned before, this year we spent Christmas night with my parents. We wanted to have Christmas with the whole family and since Cade isn't allowed here, we spent it there. That morning, Herb woke us all up at about 6:30. The kids were sleeping so well, and I thought we would get to sleep in, but Herb was awake, and got us all up. We all went into Granny's room, and watched the Nativity video and then gathered at the steps. We always sing Jingle Bells. Dad did as a little boy, and we always did as kids, and mine do too, sort of a passed down tradition.

Mom shaking her hard in excitement. She could hardly contain herself. Actually she was mimicking the children.

The kids on their way down. Cade was being a stuffed shirt.

More of the kids

Finishing up their song.

Then they got to see the piles that Santa left for them, and open their socks.

Jace with his gameboy games. He was so excited till he realized he didn't have a gameboy- but since he peeked before Christmas, he knew one was coming.

Cade

Makae loving her new amethyst ring.

And her i-tunes card.

Jace is modeling his new Invisibility cloak that Makae made for him. Isn't it amazing, the middle of his body is completely gone? He is a floating head.

Ethan loved his PSP.

Cade was so excited over this shirt and hat. Makae made the shirt. It is of Perry the platypus from Phineas and Ferb. Cade loves it.

Jace got an iron man costume. He still loves dressing up!

One of Ethan's favorite gifts, from Granny and Gramps. A whole - BIG bottle of Pickles!! He ate it all in like 2 days too!

The confusion afterwards.

This is where all of the kids stuff was, and boy did they make a mess.

We gave my dad a stereo that plays cd's records, cassettes, and has a radio. He was pretty pleased. He has so many records!

After granny and gramps, we headed to Susan and Ed's. It was just us and them and it was really relaxing. Ethan and Jace hot tubbed, and the rest of us just visited. We stayed for a while or so, and then we headed to Grandpa Merritt's. It was so nice seeing him, and he was so happy. Shawn got these few pictures of him that turned out really nice. Another funny from that evening. Amy, Shawn's cousin, got a new camera, and left it at Grandpa Merritt's. Well, Shawn decided to help her. He took pictures of everything that night, kids, grandpa, fruit, trees, just everything. Can't wait till she gets her camera and finds all of these pictures on it.

It was a wonderful day, and fairly relaxing. We got to see almost all of the family and enjoy each other, and the birth of our Savior.

Christmas Eve at the Willden's

2011-01-12T13:11:00.000-07:00

Every year for Christmas Eve we go to Shawn's parents home and have a nice evening. Most all of the family makes it, and we visit, have a short program, talk about the savior, eat and just enjoy each other's company. This year we arrived a little early. I have to admit that I love the kids. They really make Christmas special. When Dirk's boys arrived they were quiet and shy, and Ben came right over and just snuggled up to me. It was so nice. Then Kecia arrived and I got to hold Leah as well. How much better could Christmas be?

Me with Ben and Leah

As we waited, Cade and Ethan played a game of chess.

Leah was giving the sweetest smiles and cooing.

This year we played a game that was way fun. Susan had gotten some small dollar treats and toys and we played a game with dice. If you rolled a 1 or 2 you got to choose something from the pile, if you got a 3 or 4 you had to put something back, if you got a 5 or 6 you got to take something from someone else. It was times. She got things for all of the different age groups. This shirt was for Emma, or Taylie or Leah, but Ethan sure had fun with it. It's amazing how competitive a game can get over a container of peppermint hot chocolate.

Kelly got off of a long day at work and came straight to his parents. I hope people appreciate his dedication on Christmas Eve.

Jamie helping Brayden choose a good gift.

After the game we all headed upstair and we got to open pajamas if they were brought, and then Susan gave each of us a gift for Christmas Eve. She had made pillowcases for everyone. Each one was different based on what the person liked. For example, Makae's was a lime green tinkerbell pillowcase. Jace's was a spider man. Kelly's was a Uof U, and Jamies a BYU. They were really quite nice.

Kecia opening her gifts from us. Shawn took family portraits and then had them printed to give to her and to his parents.

Makae got Winter Scrubs for her Jammies. She wears them all the time.

Kecia's pillowcase was of Eyore. I am not sure what that says about her. Every person I have known who is an Eyore, isn't very positive. It doesn't quite fit her.

Jace won this sword during the game, but of course who liked it best? Isn't this a great picture of Cade?

At the end of the evening, we watched a video about Christ's life and his sacrifice for us. It was only about 2 1/2 minutes long, but nice. Then Glenn sang songs and we joined it.

Kecia made these jammies for her darling little girls and I couldn't resist getting a picture of them. They were so cute. However the girl's, mainly Emma, didn't want to cooperate.

It was a really nice evening and one we look forward to each year.

Christmas Village

2011-01-11T10:19:00.000-07:00

Every Year once my brothers make it home the whole family gets together for our annual trip to Christmas Village. Afterwards we go to someone's house for pizza. This year it was Lill's. We have done this ever since I can remember as a little girl. We used to go out to Tony's right after when it was just us, and even when Charlene got married and only had Brock, but as the family has grown it has moved. I remember as a child being so excited to see each of the little houses decorated with lights, and the moving dolls and objects in them, and also the huge nativity scene they have in the park. I still love it. This year was nice. Dad went through quick and headed to Lill's with Mom, but since it wasn't too cold, the rest of us moseyed along at a slow pace taking in each house with all the decorations. The kids loved it and so did I. I hope this is a tradition my kids will want to carry on. It has always been a part of my Christmas memories. I hope they enjoy it as much as I do each year. Here are a few of the pictures we got.

Jace - we were waiting for everyone to arrive.

Cade and Ethan enjoying a moment of brotherly love?

The walls covered in Ivy and lights

Herb and Anthony

Back at Lill's visiting. Brett is telling a good story.

Granny

Chad

Kaleigh. I can't believe she will be four in a week.

Daranee

Festival of Trees, Crittenden Christmas Party

2011-01-09T08:50:00.001-07:00

I finally got Shawn to download his pictures. We have clean back to Halloween, so I'll have to back track a little later. Right now I figured I would do December. It was a wonderful month full of family, fun, activities, and memories. One of the first things we did was go to the Festival of Trees as a family. We haven't been since Makae and Cade were little. It was an enjoyable/frustrating night. First Jace had the trots, and was in the bathroom most of the night, either that or he was bored. We spent a good deal of time trying to find him. Ethan and Cade had a great time, though they were rather annoying with their hilarity and comments on the trees. This of course annoyed Makae who wanted to walk way ahead and leave them behind. Finally the night turned nice when Shawn went to look for Jace, and I sent Ethan and Cade on ahead and then Makae and I spent a nice leisurely time looking at the gorgeous trees and decorations and ginger bread houses. Later we went out to eat. That turned out well. All in all it was a nice evening and we all enjoyed it. Here are some of the pictures Shawn took of the beautiful trees.

A Harry Potter tree for Jace

A week later my whole family got together for the annual Crittenden Christmas Party. It turned out nice. It was great seeing cousins, and aunts and uncles. And of course the visiting and catching up is always nice.

Kurtis Enjoying the meal

Not sure what Ethan was doing.

Courtney was being a who. If you saw her from the side, it was dead on.

Herb enjoying dessert.

My cousin Shawn and his girlfriend.

My Aunt Paula on Santa's lap.

My Uncle Carroll on santa's Lap. It was his 80th birthday

Santa brought him a gun he has been wanting.

Jace is telling Santa he wants a gold watch that is digital. Santa said he would get right on it. I told Jace that Santa was being nice, but probably wouldn't have time as he has too many last minute items to finish up as Jace has put in his list two months ago and the watch wasn't on it then. I was right, Santa didn't have time to make it.

Anthony just wanted presents.

Courtney asked for a boyfriend. Santa said maybe.

Makae asked for a boyfriend. Santa said NO!!!! Too young!!!

Ethan asked for lots, only got some.

Cade wanted to be home with family, and he got it!!!! Best Christmas gift of all!

Christmas Eve Day

2011-01-06T11:14:00.000-07:00

Cade wanted to play games and spend Christmas Eve day with family, and since he can't be here, we all headed up there. We played Banana-grams a lot. It is a really fun game. We listened to music, cooked and enjoyed each others company.

Shawn was doing his usual on the computer in the corner.

Mom and Dad got this tree years ago from my cousin, Lisa. She works at Jimmy's floral. It is a really, really nice tree, but they never used it till this year. That is why mom got a real one in her room. This one just doesn't smell, but it was beautiful and shaped perfectly.

Cole reading the newspaper, right before we played games.

Mom getting stuff ready for the stuffing. Herb is in the background being grandma Luella, we might get his picture.

Finally got him to let us take one of him. Don't know why he doesn't like them taken.

It was a fun day. Relaxing. Later we went down to the Willden's and had our traditional Christmas Eve with them. It was very nice. Shawn promised me he would download pictures for me today, so tomorrow I should have the good ones, and ones of his family as well.

Christmas Day /Day After

2011-01-04T12:00:00.000-07:00

Beware - Long Post!

Had a great Christmas day, that started out in Granny's room with the whole family watching the Nativity on video and then a prayer. Came down the stairs singing the traditional Jingle Bells, and then it was off to see what Santa had brought.

Jace was impressed with the whole set of Toy story Toys, and a bunch of new games for a non existent game-boy. It came later from us.

Mom was excited about this gift. Clothes from Christopher Banks.

Cole found some real olde tyme tinsel to go on Dad's Christmas tree. It's all lead and hangs beautifully as it is heavy enough.

This has to be one of my favorite pictures from Christmas. I got the jammies for him the night before. The shirts looked fine, till he and Cade put them on. Deep V cuts. Then Cade found this hat which is perfect for Ethan to be outside in and it just makes the whole think great. Love Ethan's pose too!

We drew Jared's name this year. He really wanted Tinker Toys. He was really excited about them.

The big hit for Cade, was the HAT on his head, and the Nerf Battle Axe. He spent the whole day with it.

If you haven't seen this movie - you have to. How inspirational. Temple Grandin, is autistic, loved Animals, went on the get a doctorate in Animal Husbandry and has made some great strides in farming and animal care. People were rude, judgmental and non understanding, but she kept going. Had a great family, and became what she needed to. Kurtis struggles and loves animals and farming as well. It was a perfect fit.

Not often I find something Daranee likes. Painting, and horses. Tow of her favorite things.

Lill enjoying her gift from Cole

Kaleigh carried these shoes with her everywhere. They were the hit, and even though her Mom wouldn't let her open them, she carried them everyplace that day.

The next Day Char and her family made it up.

I love this photo of Olin. I love the smirk. He is with his mom, Morgan.

Kind of a four generation picture. So many camera's no one knew where to look.

Brock and Olin

Just the visit ing that was going on. Don't they look like they are having a great time?!

We really enjoyed it. Shawn has a bunch more pictures, I'll keep bugging him, you bug him too! I left the camera at Mom's, so I don't have any of the Willden's from Christmas.

New Year's Eve

2011-01-03T22:21:00.000-07:00

I figured I would start at the soonest and work backwards. I took these pictures. Shawn takes great pictures but he gets so caught up in making them all look good that it takes him forever to get to them, so you get my snap shots.

We spent New Year's Eve with my family. Cade is home living with them now, and so we wanted to spend as much time with him as we could. Lill and her family came up as well. We all spent the night, with the kids sleeping under the tree, and us adults upstairs. Makae and Courtney went to the dance. We aren't very exciting. We eat a good spread, and enjoy each others company, and watch a movie or play games. The kids always make it up till midnight, and Shawn too, but the rest of us, go by New York time. I was awake this year, just not up. When Jace came in to kiss me and wish me Happy New Year, I was awake to wish it back!! I surprised him!

This is Makae after she got ready to go to the new years eve dance. I thought she looked really nice. She has recently dyed her hair. I don't care for it, but I keep hoping if she gets all her rebellious hair out now, maybe later she will realize how beautiful her natural hair is.

This is how Me, Mom, and Lill spent time watching "The Other side of Heaven" in Granny's room.

Kurtis watched it with us on the floor. No more room on the bed.

My dad was so sweet to my Mom this year. He got her a small real tree for her room. She really really enjoyed it.

I had to include this. When the movie was over 10:30 or so, we adults decided to go to bed. Lill turned on the light in her room and found her sweetie like this. I have to admit he had a rough week. He drives the garbage truck and they have had really long hours this week since it has been Christmas. Starting at 4 am and ending at 8 most evenings.

The next day we ate breakfast, relaxed and then cleaned up and went home. Shawn took Cade to Salt Lake to get some more of his stuff and then back up Mom's. Sure would be nice if he was with us, but he is closer and we can see him anytime we want, so I am thankful for that, and trying to be patient with the whole thing.

It was a fun evening, even if boring by most standards.

Christmas pictures

2010-12-23T11:43:00.000-07:00

Just a few pictures of things we got or did this Christmas Season.

This is our Charlie Brown Tree. It looked great on the mountain after having walked around for a little bit, and freezing through the deep snow. Once we got it home and in the house well then it's true nature came out. But I think we did okay with it, and I don't really mind the skinniness. I think it turned out okay!

This is the tree Shawn's mom gave us as part of our 12 days of Christmas. It has fiber optic lights and is really fun to watch.

She also gave us a snowflake making kit, and these are the snowflakes we came up with I think they are quite nice.

And finally one of my many nativities. I love them all. Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without our Savior. How blessed we are for his many gifts!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Spirit Of Christmas

2010-12-12T16:25:00.000-07:00

Shawn's Families Pictures

2010-12-05T17:52:00.000-07:00

On Halloween Afternoon, All of Shawn's family got together for some family pictures. Well almost all of us. His one brother and his family didn't make up, but the rest of us did, and took pictures anyway. These are some of my favorites that Shawn took.

Kecia and her family

Kecia and Glenn

Kelly and his family

Another of Kelly and his family

Mauri and her family

Mauri and her family. This pose was really fun. The kids (boys)really liked it.

Mauri and Ira

Susan and Ed (Mom and Dad)

One of Susan and Ed and the grandkids

All of us - minus Dirk's family

The grand-daughters. I think this is my favorite photo of all of them.

Makae and her cousin Adrie

This was a fun one of Kecia and her family. We finally got Emma to give her dad a long kiss, when we said make it a grown - up kiss. She has to make noises too. It was too cute.

My kids. We took out family last, and the lighting was really going, and none of them turned out very good. We'll have to try again in the Spring.

Shawn and I.

After the pictures we all headed over to Susan's house were we dressed up in Halloween costumes, and celebrated Halloween along with all of the November Birthdays. It was fun and we all had a great time, even if it was a little noisy. I think Shawn does a good job. A little earlier in the season would have been better. We need to make it in the Spring when everything is green and beautiful.

Thanksgiving

2010-12-02T07:24:00.005-07:00

No pictures - cause Shawn, I guess has decided that he has way to much to do to get to editing photos. And he really is busy, but I don't know why he has to edit them all. I'm okay with snap shots. Anyway.......

Thanksgiving was really nice at our house. We got to go and pick up Cade on Wednesday morning, and we spent the day up at Mom's playing games, went to Steph's for lunch, and just spending time together.

On Thanksgiving day my family came to our house. We set up two extra tables and had ample room for everyone. The feast was great, and it was a feast. We sure are blessed. It was so nice. It is the first Holiday my immediate family has been together in more than a year and 1/2. So it was great to all be there. That was the biggest blessing. We visited, cleaned up, ate pie, cleaned up, visited and had a great day. Mom and Dad, Lill's family and Alicyn's family were all there. The kids behaved well and played down the basement so it wasn't too noisy either, or hectic. It was great. Later we went out to Shawn's mom and dad's, and visited with them, Mauri and her family and Dirk. Susan fixed some more food which the kids ate, but I was stuffed. I didn't even want anymore pie. We had a good time spending the day with family. I really enjoy doing that. We just don't do it enough unless there is some sort of Holiday, or Birthday or party or something. It really is too bad, because those are the best times. Afterwards we took Cade back up to Mom and Dads.

Friday dad brought Cade down early to our house, and my family spent the day putting up Christmas decorations. I absolutely love this time of year. Starting with Thanksgiving and ending after the new year. There is so much joy of spirit and in actions too. It was nice to see the house get Christmas-fied, and see the kids excitement about it all too. Makae took all the extra decorations and decorated her room. Even my Charlie Brown tree that I picked this year looks pretty good all decorated. Later we took Makae to lifeline for her Friday night meeting and then we had to take Cade back to Youth Village. He complained the whole time he didn't want to go back. Don't blame him, we don't want to take him back either. It is good to know he appreciates home. He is supposed to be finished there on the 17th, we can't wait. He then will move in with Mom and Dad for at least 90 days, but that is a lot better than there.

Anyway..... We truly were blessed with so much for the holiday. Family, friends, winter weather, time off of school, food, warmth, decorations, a new holiday to look forward to, and so much more.

BTW if Shawn gets around to pictures - I will post them later.

Halloween! ? ? !!

2010-11-28T21:43:00.001-07:00

I know, it is past Thanksgiving and on to Christmas, and I may get caught up, but probably not. So in case you are interested, (which you may not be) here are the photos we took on Halloween. We still have family pictures to post, along with Thanksgiving etc, but hey I am only a month behind now, not 2 or 3.

Ethan was a zombie. He had great black teeth too, before he decided to eat pizza. I guess pizza kind of revives zombies. If you look close at his sores, they look pretty cool. Click on the picture and enlarge it. Makae did his make-up. She took a drama class on make-up this past trimester. She also did Cade's and her own.

Watch out Millie - here I come. Well she probably still has me beat. It was fun dressing up though.

Super Mario to the rescue. He decided after a little bit that he needed to shave though. Pizza didn't taste too good with hair in it, and besides it was itchy.

Kurtis made a pretty good Napoleon Dynamite, I think. He had the half lidded look down.

Edward Scissorshands. I loved Cade's costume. His lips were perfect, before pizza. Darn rain. The kids were all ready to go out in a big group, Lill's, Alicyn's and mine, and then the storm came so they decided to eat first. It tasted good, but didn't do a whole lot for their costumes and make-up.

Kaleigh was a good fairy, and Makae a dark one. Her make-up got smeared a little from the storm, but she still looks good. I had to practically make her outfit in order to find her something that was modest to wear. I don't know why people seem to think that girls need to look "sexy/slutty" in order to have a good Halloween costume.

This was the next day up at my mothers. We didn't do our make-up near as well. But we still enjoyed it.

Courtney and Jace switched head pieces and trademark signs. I thought it turned out really cute.

We really enjoyed the day, and later went out to the Willden's and took family pictures, but that is for another post.

Thanksgiving

2010-11-21T08:57:00.000-07:00

Since this week is Thanksgiving, I thought I would do a blog on things I am thankful for.

1. My Savior and the gospel. I have relied so much on Him this past year and his teachings. I would be lost without his atonement in my life and in the lives of my family.

2. My family. From my husband and kids, to parents, and siblings, etc. They have all been such a support and shown such love for me and my family. I couldn't get by without them.

3. Prayer - the ability to talk to my Heavenly Father and feel of his love and support and to have his answers in my life. It has become so important in my life.

4. Friends - I have so many good ones. They are there to talk to, cry to, support me, and add love to my life.

5. Shawn's job. Although I cant say I love his particular job the fact that he has one has been a real blessing in our lives. We have been able to survive financially during the past few difficult years without losing our home or belongings.

6. Medical advancements - My family has been so blessed by therapists, programs, medicines that make our lives so much more livable and help us to progress.

7. Nature. I have always loved nature. It always brings such beauty and awe into my life. The many different seasons have their beauty and I am thankful to live in a state where I get to experience all of them.

8. Education and teachers. I love learning and I hope my children will as well. There are so many interesting things in this world and I love learning about them. I also am really thankful for teachers who take a personal interest in my children and make their lives so much better.

9. Good books. I love reading, though I don't get a lot of time for it. There are so many things to learn, to enjoy and even to just escape in.

10. Lastly but not least, I am thankful for Shawn. He gets his own. He is a wonderful husband who is supportive, loving and my best friend. I don't know what I would do without him and I never want to find out. He has been my rock and support through difficult times, my date for years, and has listened to my complaints, my stories, my joys and beliefs. I love him so much more now than I did when we got married. We have changed a lot, but my love has just grown stronger.

This isn't a complete list, but it will suffice for today.

San Diego - UEA

2010-11-14T13:44:00.000-07:00

Shawn took the boys to San Diego over UEA. Makae's school didn't get out, so I stayed at home with her. I really would have liked to go, but it was alright and the boys had a great time. Ethan said it was the boy's trip since Makae and I usually take a girl's trip each year. They don't usually do one.

Jace was super excited to go swim in the ocean. Not even the temp could dissuade him, or Ethan. These are some of them in the water and getting ready.

This is of Ethan waiting for the wave. He is actually holding Jace's hand, though he is covered by the wave.

Knocked over by the wave.

Catching a wave closer to shore.

Cade refused to go in, but he worried about Jace and Ethan the whole time and kept a close watch on them the whole time.

The kids posing with an artist renditions of the polar bears. Jace is standing on one, and Ethan is holding on to the other.

Jace being a seal.

Ethan being a SAD seal. He couldn't make it up through the hole, more than his head.

Just to get a size of the Polar Bear. She was big, and had fun with her ball.

The Spider eating the Fly. This is pretty true to life!! ;>

Monkey Jace at the San Diego Zoo

Cade taking a rest at the San Diego Zoo.

Meagan/Ben/Rhone Party

2010-11-09T10:14:00.000-07:00

When Meagan was here on her last trip we all headed up to Charlene's to see them and spend an afternoon together. The whole family made it and it was quite fun. We had a nice lunch, and made Caramel Apples, and visited and the kids took lots of 4 wheeler rides.

Olin and his Grandpa Brett.

Rhone and Ben. I love his expression.

Charlene and Meagan in the kitchen.

I am not sure what Courtney is doing here, but it was a funny face.

Granny and Gramps and all their grandkids minus Cade, and their two Great Grandkids.

We made Caramel apples, and once Olin tasted it, he wasn't going to give it up for nothing. Each time Brock moved it away he used his hand to grab it back and then he kept his hand on it. It we kind of cute.

We sure enjoy when we can all get together. And we wish Meagan could be here more. We sure miss her and her family when she is gone.

Catch UP

2010-11-06T08:41:00.001-06:00

It has been awhile since I have had pictures to post, so Shawn finally got to some, but they are old. Just be patient and we will get to the more recent ones (maybe). That's a hint hint. The first part of these are of Ethan's 13th birthday in September on the 12th. And the second part is a night we all went out bowling. Both were pretty fun.

Ethan is thinking really hard about what his wish will be!!

The big BLOW OUT!

He is in the middle of saying sweet here. He got a bunch of games as he has been wanting us to have family game night. We have been working on it.

How can someone like so much what I dislike. I think the wii is a major waste of time. Didn't want it when we got it, but the kids sure love it. Okay I think wii fitness and sports are good for you, the rest are just video games and a complete waste of time. But Ethan was happy!

We went bowling on one of our Saturday outings with Cade. He has good form, and the blue is not his undies but a belt that he loves that is really UGLY!

Jace has yet to perfect his form.

Frustration. I put the ball in the right spot every time, and with umph, but it always leaves one pin, and I can never hit the one.

I love this. The stance gives it all away, even if you couldn't see the ball in the gutter. It was great!

Shawn has a perfect curve ball. He almost always gets strikes and if not he gets spares. It is really unfair. He should at least try to bowl badly!

Another good one. You can tell she is quite happy with her roll.

My favorite by far. I love the stretch, and love the amount of air that ball got as it bounced a few times and then rolled down the aisle to get the balls. With the gutter guards he did great. The ball usually bounced back and forth between the gutter guards and then eventually hit the pins in the right spot. He was happy.