Thursday, February 12, 2015

Cole's Wedding

On October 25th, Cole got married to his long time partner David Adler.  Shawn and I went out for the wedding, and Charlene went out to see Meagan and they all drove up for the day.  Shawn and I stayed with Cole. It was a nice day.  Shawn met some people from google in New York, so I didn't feel too guilty about not telling Mom the whole truth, just that Shawn had some meeting and we were going to stay with Cole while we were there and then see some of New Jersey.  That was all true.  Cole decided a while ago not to tell Mom or Dad about his marriage.    First he didn't want to hurt them any more than they already were, and second  he couldn't see how it would help there relationship at all.  We all agreed.  We knew dad would pull into himself and become distant, and not be able to deal with Cole for awhile, and we knew Mom would be accepting and loving, but be terribly hurt and worry about it and be depressed, so we all kept it quiet. Besides that it wasn't our place to tell them.  Cole told us all to begin with that he would love to have us all there, but if we didn't feel like we could go and be happy with him to please not come because this was a happy day for him and he didn't want anything to ruin it.  He even offered to buy tickets for Alicyn and Lillie Ann.  Alicyn couldn't go given her situation and Lill decided she would stay with Mom.   I am glad I was there.  They had it at a nice place in Princeton.  They had a brief but not too long ceremony, then a luncheon and then toasts.   Cole had asked me to give a toast for his family.  I was really worried about how it would go, we don't do those at Mormon weddings, but it all went okay.  I toasted them with my own blessing and with sparkling cider.  I also wanted to be true to my beliefs.  I think being there showed Cole more love than anything I could have done.  He needed family there.  And the day was nice if sad in a way for me.  Cole paid a loverly compliment to Mom and Dad.  He said that even though his parents weren't there and couldn't agree with his choice, that everything he was that was good in his life had come from them.That they were wonderful parents and that he loved them dearly and that they loved him.  It made me cry and he was crying as well.    He remembered them and included them even though they weren't there.  Then it came my turn.  I toasted them that they would both be happy and that I loved them both and I welcomed David to the family.  I didn't say I am so happy for you.  I didn't say I hope you'll find much joy together.  I don't know if I believe that.  BUT.... I do want them both to be happy, and I do love them both, and I do hope they find joy.  It was a good day for him and I know his path to this point has not been an easy one.  I know he didn't choose any of this easily.  I know it has been heartache after heartache and that he struggled with himself and his choices.  Why God gives us different problems I will never understand, but there is a reason even if I don't get it.  Having spent many years trying to come to terms with this, I think I can sort of look through Cole's eyes and see just how difficult it is for someone in his shoes.  If I see it God does too, and who am I to judge.  It is my job to love.  God will sort it all out, not me.

We went out a few days before the wedding and spent some time with Cole and his friends.  I met David's mom and she was really a neat lady.  And Dana, Cole's friend from high school was there with her partner Madeline and we spent a lot of time with them as well.  It was a different group than I am use to, but I enjoyed it and again was glad I was there.  Cole's friends are very nice and care about him deeply.  I am glad he has a family away from home, even if it makes us jealous at times.  They get him more than us.

Charlene and David's sister signed the wedding certificate and let me tell you his sister was a hoot.  She is the living "Nanny Fran" She has the bronx accent, and dresses very to the T.  She is really outgoing and she just reminded me of so many things from the television show.  David's father and his wife were there as well.  They too were very nice. Shawn took all the pictures for the wedding and I think they turned out pretty good.
Rhone and Sylvie at Cole's house
Cole and David's Mom.
Madeline, David and Dana
Cole, David's step mom, and David
Cole and David during the ceremony with the officiator.

Charlene and her family with Cole in the gardens.
Shawn and I with Cole.
Meagan keeping Rhone entertained.
David's sister.
Cole, me, David and Shawn
Cole's family
Cole and David

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